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|22-1-2011 - Am I being unreasonable?
||My mood while writing this blog:|
Okay so here goes. As you all know I am on bedrest now and can't leave the house or go to church or even the inlaws for family day on Sundays. Well hubby works nights and I stay up all night and we sleep during the day and then are up together for two hours before he goes back to work again. During that time I sit on the computer and he plays his video game, gets mad and swears at it and doesn't listen to a word I say. Then yesterday I was disapointed that he is going to his parents all day Sunday while I am stuck at home by myself. So I asked him what he wanted to do this weekend and he said what do you want to do, and I said well nothing cause I can't leave the house and he said well its settled then. I was pissed and he just started paying attention to his game again. Then today he was supposed to be home at 6am and he is working late without pay so he can drive his coworker home at 8am and stay there for a bit. And he also mentioned he is going to his coworkers tonight to play video games. So he will come home at like 10am today and then sleep, get up and go back to his friends, and then tomorrow he will get up and go to church, then to his parents, and then come home and have a nap before work....on top of this I told my mil I was lonely and she said maybe she could get someone from the church to come visit me...yes cause I want a stranger to come over, she drives by my house almost daily and then doesn't stop in ever. Neither does my sil, she is in town all the time and mentions she is going to be in town but never stops by and my whole family lives in Alberta expect my grandma and grandpa who haven't been over once since we moved here 1.5 years ago. I just don't know what to do with myself, I mean there is only so much knitting, sleeping and watching netflix that I can do and I feel like hubby doesn't care at all. I asked for a foot rub for the first time this week and he rubbed my feet for about 30 seconds each and got mad when I didn't say thank you. I also found out he looks at porn every day while I am sleeping, EVERYDAY. But I have told him a ton of times if he wants to fool around to ask me, because since I can't have sex I am not about to come on to him all the time. And he says he doesn't ask because I don't seem into it, its not my fault I get nothing out of it and may not me that enthusiastic but we don't even cuddle anymore....I just really am worried our relationship is going down hill, why doesn't he want to spend any time with me? And when I try to talk to him about how I feel he just treats me like I am crazy...he will go over to his friends house and then bitch and moan when he gets home about how his friend is an idiot and his friends fiance said this and their house is discusting so why does he go over there then!
8 Comments on Am I being unreasonable?Jalex10
- Monday, 24 Jan I think what your feeling is completely reasonable and that your hubby isnt being very understanding.. The whole porn thing is no biggie, my hubby looks at porne every now and then, I just dont take it personally. But you def need to try to talk to him and just tell him exactly how you feel in a calm manner and explain how you feel trapped in the house and lonely and you miss him. Guys can be so stupid when it comes to stuff like that.. hope this helps! Mum2anAngel
- Monday, 24 Jan BOOO - I am so sorry that you have to be on bed rest :( It sounds awful - I think I would have gone out of my mind by now if I were in your situation. I would search the net for inspiration on some quiet things that you can do together. Like making a scrap book or painting some artwork for Peytons room. I would tell him how you are feeling - but in a way that places no blame. Try and work together for a solution. After all it is his baby too! firsttimemommy2011
- Saturday, 22 Jan No u are not being unreasonable im so sorry to hear about the bed rest that enough to make anyone want to go out of their mind, as for your husband he should be more understanding of your situation it would not hurt him to stay at home from church or even his parents house once in a while just to spend some time with u so u can do things at home as a couple. I know the bed rest must suck for u but soon you will have baby in your arms and it will all be worth it. Sorry if I was not much help to your question I do wish u all the best though. My thaughts are with u and baby Payton hugs. gokatiego
- Saturday, 22 Jan Hey, I agree with mrsjmickens, I totally understand the pain/ bordum/ and worry that your going thru, but try putting yourself in your husbands shoes too, he is probably stressed and worried for you and the baby as well, and he needs his outlets too. Yes, you cant leave the house time to time to take your mind off everything, but is it fair that just becasue you cant he cant? I think you should talk and let him know how your feeling, with out whinning and with out guilting him into doing what you want him to do, becasue then he will just resent you, or your resent him becasue you know he is only doing what you want becasue you made him... Say something like, I miss when we cuddle, how bout when we go to bed, lets watch a movie and cuddle. This way your not comming at him in a nagging way. Most Guys are completly oblivious to how women feel, and the little hints we try to give off that our friiends and moms would notice guys, just think we are acting weird.Good luck.Btw.. I dont think your being unreasonable, just need to try wearing his shoes , and he needs to try wearing your shoes.... I hope im not coming across as a horrible person or anything.. Im just trying to give advice that I think would work.good luck again!! =) mothermiracle3
- Saturday, 22 Jan I think he's being very selfish and should take care you a little better than he's doing.....especially now that your on bed rest and is sacrificing for the safety of HIS child!!!!!.....I would be livid if my fiance went around not caring about how I was feeling, and I agree that 'giving him a break' is the same as taking his crap, as far as the porn, I would offer to watch it together or him not watch it at all but that 's a brand new can of worms and I'll be too afraid that he'll get to addicted to that stuff as so many men are...you should never have to go to your inlaws that's what your husband is for and that's what they should have said and got on him for not being there for you a little more Leannas ♥ Mummy
- Saturday, 22 Jan Aw you must feel really down and when ive been stuck in all day I would feel the same. I think you should tell him how you feel try and try and cheer up, mention renting a movie and a takeaway for a change? I know you're on bed rest but you could pop out to choose the film and get back and relax. Oh and about th porn thing I think almost all men take a peak it isn't anything you're doing wrong or the way you look etc. x ~YummyMummy~
- Saturday, 22 Jan No I dont think your being unreasonable at all, I also dont think your hubby deserves a 'break' either, doesnt he have a break enough with the freedom to go where he wants when he wants?? What about you?? The only thing I can suggest maybe is to explain how you feel, tell him your concerned about your relationship and that you love him very much but are worried. On the nights he's home maybe suggest not playing on the computer but getting some nice food in and watching a film or playing a more interactive game like cards etc. No your right its not someone from church you need a stranger vut the people that love you that surround you that need to be your support right now. I think that suggestion was outrageous. It might be worth asking your doctor etc whether one day out is a possibility, even if its via wheelchair just to get some fresh air and go for a meal. Your not being unreasonable youve bent over backwards to let him do the things that make him happy. If my daughter was in that situation Id be bringing my special family sundays to her house so she felt involved. As far as the porn goes, it hurts there is no doubt, in a way he has to vent fair play but at least do it discretely. Keep your chin up honey things wont always be like this and im here if you need to talk xxx mrsjmickens1
- Saturday, 22 Jan #1 you cant have sex or really even fool around so give him a little slack on the porn right now. there is worse things he could be doing. he is most likely concerned for you and the babys health even if he doesnt express it and doesnt want to get you or himself all riled up for something you cant do. #2 welcome to bedrest. it stinks. you cant go anywhere or do anything and the world keeps going on without you. it can be very lonely. you will have to find ways to occupy yourself. and based on your blogs i SERIOUSLY wouldnt count on your sil or mil visiting because they are consumed with themselves and no one else. #3 give your hubby a break once in a while, but not too often. this IS his baby too. he can stay home from church and from mommas house once in a while. let him hang out with his friends n see how big of idiots they are. men need outlets.