29-9-2009 - 5 weeks 4 days (bit emotional - sorry!)

My mood while writing this blog: Very happy!

I hope you are all doing fab! Warning: Long slightly emotional blog!

I am doing good. Had a bit of an issue recently with internal bleeding. I wasnt feeling at all well, ended up with diarreah (sp?). It turned black in colour, I mentioned it to Steve who said 'that isnt right' so I called the NHS helpline who told me to call the out of hours doctor who was really helpful. Turns out the iron tablets I was given by the hospital were causing my stomach to bleed internally. I stopped taking them and now all is well.

Emily-Rose is just perfect. I love her soooooooooooooooooooooo much!!! She is growing everyday, its just so amazing to watch her changing before my eyes. Her smiling is really cute! even at 4am this morning when I was trying to rock her to sleep after a feed, her little smiles were making me melt.

I have to tell you about a couple of emotional moments I have had over the past few weeks, that I will never forget. The morning after I was discharged from hospital, I was laid up in bed, just relaxing. Steve had taken Emily to her room to change her nappy (diaper) and then they cuddling up in the office whilst Steve was watching TV on the PC monitor. Family Guy was on (dont ask me Steve seems to like it!) and a song came on the cartoon, it was 'Everything I do, I do it for you' by Bryan Adams. OMG, as I listened to the words, tears streamed down my face, all my efforts, all my energy, everything I am became crystal clear.....my wonderful husband and my beautiful baby girl - everything I do, I do it for them. I cried and cried, it was an amazing moment, one I have been waiting for all my life. At last I am complete.

Then about a week later, I was having a little time to myself. Again, Emily was being looked after by Daddy and I was relaxing in the bath. It was the first bath I had since giving birth as I had been grabbing very quick showers up to that point. Once I had washed etc I relaxed back into the water and splashed some water onto my belly, it was something that I always did whilst pregnant and I could guarantee that every time I did it when Emily was inside my stomach, she would react with a kick. It was a game we would play together, I loved it. However, this time......no reaction.....can you believe, I splashed my stomach again and waited. Then it clicked.....no more special moments like that, those wonderful times that only you and your child share when they are growing inside you. I missed her even though she had now arrived.

Then last week I had a little moment, that I know is going to reoccur as my baby grows. She is really gaining weight quickly, last week she weighed 12lbs 2oz and she is long. 23 inches born and she has certainly grown alot since birth. She is now out of her newborn clothes and into 0-3months. As I packed away her little outfits and looked at the first vest and sleep suit she wore, I wondered where the time had gone already. My little baby is growing so fast. It really bought it home to me that I need to make the most of every moment with her and make sure I keep a record of this amazing time.

I know, I am a soppy cow. I cannot believe how soft I have become! lol. Many of you told me how wonderful motherhood is and that I cannot imagine it until it happens and you were so right. In my wildest dreams I could not have understood the enormous amount of love I feel for my darling daughter. Not only that, I have fallen even deeper in love with Steve. Everything I do, I do it for them :)

Much love from your emotional but very very happy friend, Rach x x