26-11-2008 - Looking for my half bro Derek Kraus

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

I am SO excited to have heard from his cousin, crossing fingers this leads to us finally talking after 27years :) ~ this is the story I shared with her about all the years of looking and about me :) I edited her part out....

Oh gosh, where do I start ~ I am SO happy you posted!! My dad Hank Armstrong was married to Cheryl Herbert. I was maybe 6 or 7 I think. Cant remember exact age. Colleen and I had so much fun when we visited and got to play with Heidi and Danny Herbert. Cheryl’s kids. I have photos of us so will post them for you to see. We would go to Gramma Bitz houses as well as visit Gramma Minor (not sure if I spelled that right) who lived down stairs. Occasionally Uncle Don Herbert (Cheryls Bro) would come over as well. I really liked both grams. Even though they weren’t my own, they loved us like we were. Dad and Cheryl moved down near Kingston area that is where Derek was born. Cant remember exact town name. I have a photo of him there; think he was 1 or so. Will post that one as well. :) They moved from there to a new town. Cant remember exact name, Derek was maybe 1-2 at that time. Colleen and I would go visit and stay the weekend. My Dad and Cheryl’s relationship wasn’t so good then. Sadly my dad is not the best husband and although I don’t know the specifics of their marriage concerns I know how he is and would assume it was for the same reason my mom isn’t with him.... Lies, money... lack of a good job..l. The marriage ended and sadly that was the last time I saw Derek. Soon as I was capable of using a phone I'd call Gramma Bitz and she'd let me know how he was doing etc etc My dad wouldn’t talk about him out of sadness, my dads mom ~ Gramma Armstrong (sweetest gram ever) would cry thinking about him and not knowing what happened to him. My dad was very depressed, I think he knew he'd messed up. I myself spent a number of years not talking to my dad for various reason much like Cheryl’s so COMPLETELY understand her not wanting him to know where Derek was as well as not keeping in touch with Colleen and I. And even today would surely respect that 100%, I just want to see him talk to him, I cry just thinking about it :) I would promise not to give his location to my dad. He lives in Myrtle Beach anyhow and not even nearby.....

I went to Ormond’s in Penn Can Mall once and ran into Heidi, this was maybe a couple years after the separation and I was so happy to see her. I said Derek probably doesn’t even remember us and she said probably not. Broke my heart :( I saw her again when she lived with her Dad and was attending B'Ville schools. Was nice to see her but she didn’t mention Derek. I ran into Dan on the mall as well once around that time and he didnt say anything either. Was nice to see them both. I would call Gramma Bitz every couple years to see how Derek was and she was always so kind to give me his updates sadly though she'd never give me a # to call Cheryl to talk to Derek. It hurt so much since I am not my dad and really miss Derek but understand her fear.......

Cant remember year but sometime in the late 80's I called gram again and she told me he was doing good. :) I asked again for a # but sadly wasn’t able to get it. I check w/information many times over the years but no luck. :( In 1992-93 I called gram again, wasnt able to reach her so called Uncle Don and spoke to a woman. We had a wonderful chat :) she updated me as well :) She told me his stepdad had adopted him and that his stepdad had heart surgery as well. When I heard he was adopted I cried for hours :( I felt that my last legal connection to him was now gone. She didnt say at what age he was adopted though so perhaps Derek was young and didnt even know ... sadly I understand how it works, my step dad adopted my sister colleen too because of my dad, I was to old so didnt opt to. I asked her too if I could get a # to call him and she said couldn’t give it but would give Cheryl the message. I never heard from her :( sadly she never wanted me to contact him I guess. I sat with my mom one day talking about it, I had a couple years in the late 80's of repeat dreams and me waking balling my eyes out cause I would find him in my dream and I'd wake to knowing it wasnt real. I finally mentioned it to my dad and how upset I was and he just cried not saying a word. His desk always had photos of him holding derek on his lap. My mom said she knows someday I will find him. :) My mom passed in 2000 from ovarian cancer so maybe she is helping from above now :)......

In 1995 I wrote to Oprah asking her to have a show on the step and half children of divorce and how it effects them too ~ I shared my story and need to find Derek and how not seeing him was so hard. He is my blood and divorce or adoption doesn’t change that. Every time I'd hear a story of two siblings finding each other over the years I would have hope that one day I'd find him. Over the last two years with so much more on the internet I've spent alot of time looking for him but no luck. I find his name but many so don’t know which his may be. My husband is the manager of Barnes and Noble in Cicero, we lived in Saratoga for 9 years and move back here in 2004. When we moved back I heard of an old case where a Daniel Herbert had been killed, I often wondered if it was heidi and Dans dad. I went to the East Aurora alumni site but you have to be a student to enroll so no luck there. So finally after getting on face book I thought I'd try again :)

I am SO excited to have heard from you, I want to share a memory I have of him.... I’ve never forgotten it ~ (I have more then this one but this stands out) I was at their house, believe it was buffalo area. They had an in ground pool in back yard. My dad was in back yard doing some wood working stuff. I was lounging pool side. Derek was going back and forth to the pool and bring me some water at my chair. My dad was to be watching him. Think Heidi and Danny or one of them was in the deep end. Suddenly I realized Derek hadn’t brought me some water, he kept doing it so when he didnt come I opened my eyes to see where he was. He had fallen in the pool. Cheryl was inside the house, my dad couldn’t get over fast enough so I jumped up and jumped into pool and got him. Thank God is wasnt long because he was ok. But it scared the sh*t out of us all. I held him so tightly because we came so close to loosing him. That was the last time my dad and cheryl were together that I visited them. I only saw him once when he was with my dad for a bit, cheryl came and got him and that was the last time I saw him.....

Heres a bit about me :)..... My name is Robin Griffin ~ maiden name Armstrong :) I am 41 and I have 3 sons. Daniel 13, Stephen 8 and Hunter 13 months. We live in Liverpool, NY. Not far from Cicero, NY. Over the years in trying to reach and find Derek I was never able to get his # and Cheryl never called. Sadly I dont think she wanted me to contact him. Because of my dad I can understand, I am praying now that he is an adult that she will understand how much this means to me and he want to hear from me as well. My dad isnt anywhere near where I am so that isnt a concern. And I'm not anything like my dad. :) I have photos of cheryl with my dad from the time frame I last saw Derek :) to help confirm who I am :) I have 3 sisters, only one is Dereks half sister as well. Colleen. All three sisters have the genetic cancer gene BRCA-1 sadly. (from my moms side) Colleen has aggressive stage 3 ovarian cancer and breast cancer as well ~ My sisters jamie and missy are half sisters but we've never viewed ourselves as halves. It isnt even a part of our vocabulary :) Jamie is very sick, she too has aggressive stage 3 breast cancer and sadly with mets to bone bone marrow etc she isnt doing well. Life is so precious to me, since I am watching all three of my sisters fight for their lives.... I'm so afraid Cheryl may not want to help me locate Derek since she didnt in the past and he hasnt tried to find me I believe, I dont even know if he knows Colleen and I exist......

You really made my day ~ My sister is being admitted today so this really made my sad day better ~ What you decribed makes total sense ~ I can so relate to a stepdad being a dad, my stepdad was my "dad" too sadly he passed in 97 :( How wonderful that Derek is military ~ :) I've waited many years to hear from him so take the time you need, just knowing makes it so much esier to continue to wait :) I can say this much though, our father has many faults, MANY, lol. There were many times I was annoyed with him BUT never ever did I doubt his love for us. His wrong doings never had anything to do with lack of love or care for his kids. He was very broken hearted to loose site of Derek, it was so obvious on his face. So if the question were ever to arise in Dereks mind if our father cared about him, my answer would always be 200% yes, no matter what a jerk he was in making horrible choices, lol. I wonder if Dereks middle name is Henry? I always thought it was but could be wrong, that is after our father if so unless it was and then changed. I'll locate some photos, ones of our father too, and send them when I can get them scanned in :) Ty so much for your kind words, **big smiles for me today ~ (())

:) Big TX to your sis for calling him ~ Does he remember us? :) I did go to myspace and no luck, sadly there are many Derek Kraus's so even if I did see him I had no way of knowing which was him ~ But I have my fingers crossed for good news now that I've met you, time will tell for sure :) :) TX again SO much!! Oh I found a military photo from the Reagen funeral, was he a military pall berear? Do you know which one he was if so? TX an oodles ~ Have a great thanksgiving as well ~ not sure how ours will be, sadly Jamie is in hospital and may be there a while again so unsure what our plans are now ~ :)