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22-1-2009 - Very Sad News

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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I went to the MD yesterday, after I had some spotting and felt like my pelvis was falling out. When he examined me he stated that I have a blood spot on my cervix. I asked why and he said that the cervix looks like it does when you start your period. He could not hear a heartbeat via doppler. So he scheduled me for a U/S this am. As the tech was looking I could see the little peanut easily it looked like everything was good. Though I could heard no sound. On the part when where you hear and see the sounds waves of the heartbeat it was just a flat line. I just started bawling. Almost hysterical. My little boy's (Ryan, I think he was a boy)spirit is gone to heaven. I am very sad and angry. Why did he go till 12 weeks. I told my sister what better way to go then in the warm and loving womb of your own mother. I guess we won't meet in 6 months, we will meet in heaven and I picture him a fun loving little boy forever.

I am scheduled for a D&E tomorrow. I am scared. I want my baby boy back. I know there is always a reason and that it is best but it doesnt make it hurt any less. I have never had a loss so close to my heart and I am not sure how to react. So if this blog sounds stupid forgive the grieving mom.

I do wish everyone to continue their healthy and happy pregnancy, best wishes for a healthy baby.

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10 Comments on Very Sad News


Jessica Ann - Monday, 26 Jan
i am sooo sorry....i'm crying now that i read your blog

JamikaAmos - Saturday, 24 Jan
i have had a m/c before an it hurt me to the core sorry to hear about your lost may god bless you an your family


jennifers - Friday, 23 Jan
i am crying for you....so very sorry for your loss...:(

maha55 - Friday, 23 Jan
i was very sad to read of your loss....please do everything you must to grieve your little one.....i too had a miscarriage before this little baby of mine conceived at 45 and birthed at 46 came along.....it is such a journey of pain, surrender, joy, trust..everything all and in between..sending love xx

dreaelise14 - Friday, 23 Jan
Oh sweetie, I wish this didn't happen at all. I am so sorry, although I know that doesn't help much. Best wishes to you & your family. My prayers are with you.
Andrea

niss - Friday, 23 Jan
:( sorry for your loss..


boinkee - Thursday, 22 Jan
I am really sorry for your loss. I feel for you. I am pregnant for the first time at 40 and I am just scared.
God bless your little angel, and God bless you.

RainbowRach - Thursday, 22 Jan
I am very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you.

MzChevious - Thursday, 22 Jan
I am so very sorry for your loss *big hugs*
As you say, no matter the reason, it does not alter the pain of your loss. Please look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve xox

MommyMissy - Thursday, 22 Jan
I am soooo sorry. I know how you are feeling, I had a m/c in July, I lost the baby the night before the scheduled D&C. Just remember you will see your little angel in heaven. May God bless and support you through this time of grieving.