03-11-2008 - My Sweet Heart ...

My mood while writing this blog: Uneasy

Ok ... My sweetie my love. He is an extreme work aholic. He has a million and one things going on in his life right now. His Grandfather might not make it through the week, one of his bestfriends tried to commit suicide this week, and so on and so forth.

I know I need to be understanding but I have been getting the short end of the stick. He has a business trip tomorrow which is going to take him from NC to CT for three days. I feel like we have so much to talk about. I have been feeling like we just are unable to communicate like we need to. I have been feeling like I am getting the short end of the stick when it comes to him.

I am not a complainer and I love a hardworking man with ambitions hopes and dreams but what about me? I am extremely emotional. I need support. I need love. I need to be held. I want him to feel my son kick at my stomach. I want to talk to him. I want to share my thoughts with him. But when will it be my time.

I pray and pray about it, but it's starting to get to me. I can see him being a wonderful supporter and provider. Which is what I always wanted in a man, but when do you draw the line between being a work a-holic and a hard worker. One person can only spread themselves so thin.

I told him how I felt and he was apologetic and took my feelings into consideration. He confessed that I deserved more and he would show that through his actions and not just his words. But how many times will we have these types of conversations.

I question everything so much because he has talked about marriage and that is a big consideration. I read my bible and pay close attention to the interactions of married individuals to help guide me and lead me to being able to prepare myself to be able to be not just a wife, a praying wife. That is a large spiritual step.

I know things won't be perfect and maybe I am an emotional bucket of pregnant wonders and dreams but a prince charming on a white horse would be nice *smile* ...