19-5-2009 - Downer - Any advice welcome!

My mood while writing this blog: Regretful

So today I have been thinking about what should have been & I know hindsight is a wonderful thing but it's too much like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. Been thinking about my ex that I was with for 10years & only split up with last April, we split up because I was getting cold feet & thought that the grass was greener only to find out it's not greener & is actually caked in crap. I started seeing someone else a few months later & it wasn't a relationship even though he wanted it to be & after a few months I got bored & finished things only to find out a little while later that I was pregnant!

Just before I found out I was pregnant, my ex & I started spending more & more time together again & I realised that I still loved & missed him & wanted us to make a fresh start but then a few weeks later I took the pregnancy test & it was positive. My ex & I talked about it & he told me that he did want to get back together but couldn't raise someone elses child so that was that really, I was having this baby so the alternative was never an option for me. To be honest I felt a bit let down by him as he had always told me that he would love me no matter what & I can honestly say that if it had been the other way round & he had gotten someone else pregnant then I would have dealt with it but still wanted to be with him. Not sure if it's just me being selfish but if he loved me enough to want to get back together then why does it change things now?

I really miss him & even though we still talk & he comes round for dinner I want him back but don't want to try & force him into anything & have him dislike me. What do people think? Do u think I should fight to get him back or move on & leave him to his own life? He tells me he still loves me, does anyone think there is a future here for us?