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04-11-2009 - Things are good

My mood while writing this blog: missing this place

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Hi ladies! I miss you all so much! I'm glad to have the few on Facebook so I can keep up with them.

Sebastian is 7 weeks old now..growing like crazy! He's a big boy, weighing 11lbs 13oz at his 6 week checkup! He's a good baby for the most part, but he gets fussy easily. The Dr said he has a sensitive temperment and things get to him a little more. He also gets colicky at night, but I think it's finally getting better. He has a knot on his head apparently from his head sitting on one of my bones in utero. His Dr said it will go away eventually and will not affect him at all.

I never thought 3 years ago that I would be in this position. I never thought I would EVER be a mom. It's what I have always wanted, but I could never see myself having a child. I still think one day this will all disappear or I will wake up and he will be gone and it was just a dream. I feel guilty sometimes too. I feel so sorry for those who have been through what I've been through, and worse. Like, I shouldnt have gotten what I wanted, when so many still dont have what they want.

I go back to work next week. I have mixed feelings about it. It will be so nice to have life back to normal again, but I so do not want to leave Sebastian. The first day I leave him, I know I will be bawling my eyes out. I hate having to leave him with someone else for so long each dayw hen he will only be 8 weeks old. How will he know that IM his mom, and how much will I miss out on? Will I get to hear his first real laugh? Ugh it makes me tear up just thinking about it. I wish I could leave my job, but financially I cant do it right now. Especially with the outrageous price of formula! Geez! I wanted to breastfeed, but I never got more than a couple of milliliters when I pumped, no matter what I did. My Dr said some people just dont produce milk for some reason. She said my thyroid levels, etc have been fine when she checked them earlier this year.

Brendan is a great dad. He gets frustrated sometimes when he is trying to deal with Sebastian's colic, so I take over, but otherwise, he's great with him. Also, Im so glad my dogs are taking to him. They get concerned when he cries and if they can reach him, if he's in his bouncer, etc they will lick his hand when he cries. Its so cute! I was really worried about my Boston terrier. He's a little overbearing and hyperactive. He's also on anxiety meds, but he's been fine with Sebastian. He's very careful around him. The only problem, and Id ont know what the deal is..he will not leave Sebastian's pacifiers alone!! Ive gone through at least 10 paci's so far. Gonzo (our boston..I probably shouldnt have named him that.) seeks and destroys the pacifiers! I dont know if its because they smell like Sebastian or what!

Well, I hope everyone is doing well. Good luck to those who are pregnant, and hang in there to my TTC ladies. I wish the best for you all. *hugs*

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4 Comments on Things are good


padow - Tuesday, 10 Nov
Great to hear that things are going well. Soo very happy for you guys! HUGS!!!

TexasMommyWannaBe - Sunday, 8 Nov
I'm so glad all is well. I am also in the same boat as you about returning to work. I go back on 11/30 and I am really depressed about it... I don't want Christine to get too close to another person (we are looking for a nanny rather than day care) but I do want her taken care of. It sucks having to work. :( I added new pics of her! check them out!

mungbean - Thursday, 5 Nov
glad to hear all is well. don't feel guilty, it took along time to get sebastian and he is your gift. can't wait to see new photos of him, he sounds like he's growing superbly!

nmck - Thursday, 5 Nov
Glad to hear all is going well. I know how you feel going back to work. Try to focus on the positive, instead of what you will be missing. Think about how you will be able to comfortably be able to afford to do things with him, etc. Also, I don't know how, but they always know who their mom is! I was afraid my son would think my mom was his mom, but he was always excited to see me at the end of the day. That is a bonus of going back to work... They are so happy to see you at the end of the day! Also, formula is crazily expensive. What kind are you using? What really helped Michael's colic was switching to gentle ease formula...but we buy the Target brand. My doctors were all for us switching to generic. It was about $14 a can instead of Enfamil's $25 a can. Michael's colic started to improve on gentle ease almost immediately. Anyway, hope everything continues to be good for you. You DEFINITELY deserve it!!!