Shellie77's I-am-pregnantblog

Shellie77
	Age: 30 Country: USA Province/region: City: Louisville Partner: Brendan my Husband Children: Pregnant: No Occupation: workforce analyst
	Online: 8 hours ago. Last updated: 26 days ago. Member since: 367 days
\| Profile \| Photos (0) \| Children (0) \| Blog (7) \| Polls (0) \| Agenda (0) \| Comments added (141) \| Notepad

Members

Write a new blog

01-10-2008 - Stillborn Story

My mood while writing this blog:
sad

This will serve as an Archive of my pregnancy story that resulted in a Stillborn on Jan 30, 2008

Is this for real??

Finally, after so many doctor's visits, tests, fertility drugs, I'm pregnant! But, none of it mattered....

In early September, we had a fire in our attic due to a shorted out electric exhaust fan. We spent a month in a hotel while our living room was restored. During that time, I was not taking my Clomid, with everything that was going on. Well, I had started feeling cramps, figuring my period must be coming soon.. Well it never did, and I was still cramping. So I did a search on Google for "cramps no period". Lo and behold, all the sites were saying this is a sign of early pregnancy. I didn't think much about this, as I knew there was no way I was pregnant...we had been trying for almost 3 years unsuccessfully. So on the way back to the hotel from a poker party(2 or 3 weeks after we had been staying there), I asked my husband to stop at the Walgreens for a few items..I also wanted to get a HPT. I have a weird obsession, I have probably used over 100 pregnancy tests in the past 5 years, knowing they will always turn out to be negative. I have very irregular periods and everytime my period takes a while to come, I use a HPT.

Well, when we got back to the hotel, I was in the bathroom, as my husband was doing something at the vanity counter outside the bathroom. I used the stick, and sat there and watched it go across. Now I had bought the cheapest one they had, and as the first line popped up, I thought to myself "Well, if thats the test line, where would the positive line have fit in before that? It's too close to the edge" Then it kept going and a second line popped up, "Oh.."

I didn't know what to do, "Do I tell Brendan?". Well, of course I do. So I opened the door, me still sitting on the pot, and said "Uhhh...." and held up the test for him to see. He just kind of stood there and then said "What's that mean?" what a dork... We decided it had to be a fluke, and since I had bought a 3 pack (obsession, I tell ya) I would try it again in the morning, since that's how you're supposed to do it.

After little to no sleep, I had to go to the bathroom about 5am, so I woke up and took the test. Positive again. Once the doctor's office was open, I called to schedule a blood test. Positive again.

All my life, I have always wanted to have children, but something always told me it would never happen. I had finally given in to that fact. Even now, 12 weeks pregnant, 5 ultrasounds later, and I still don't believe it.

We had some ups and downs so far. A misdiagnosed blighted ovum, but it was just a bad ultrasound scan. At 6 weeks, a TV ultrasound couldnt pick up my baby, and only a small sac(originally sized as 4w) was seen. Well, turns out, that I have a "midplane" uterus, it goes straight up with no bend, so the TV wand was too far away to see anything. The next scan a week later they did an abdominal one, and baby was found! At 11 weeks, I had a bad bleed and spent 6 hours in the ER because it was the weekend, and my Dr was not open. I had to argue with the ultrasound tech that she will get a better picture abdominally. She didn't believe me and I had to suffer with her trying to poke the TV wand halfway to my esophogus(or at least it felt like it)! Baby is doing awesomely well. Right on the mark in size and heartbeats. She/He's a trooper!! I can't wait to find out what it is.

Tuesday, 4 Dec

Had my nuchal fold scan today. It measured 1.1mm so that's a great sign! I'm happy I did the test because if I hadn't I would probably worry that something could be wrong and I wouldn't know. I even got new ultrasound pics that I will scan and upload soon!

Monday, 10 Dec

Visited my mother over the weekend and we went to some consignment shops. Against my better judgment, I picked up a couple of things for baby that I just couldn't pass up the deal on. Today I'm spotting a bit, and now I can't stop thinking that I knew I shouldn't have bought that stuff, what if something happens...

Friday, 14 Dec

Call it mother's intuition I guess, but I had been feeling bad and spotting a bit, and felt like something was going to happen. Wednesday evening my husband and I were talking about what to do for dinner, and joking that all I can think about is food! I chuckled a little and froze..I felt wetness seep out down below. I rushed to the bathroom and gushed blood into the toilet. I called for my husband and he advised we call the on call OB. I tried to clean up and we got a hold of the OB who advised because I had gushed blood that I should go straight to the ER. This was 2 weeks ago all over again.

We got to the ER, which was packed. The bleeding seemed to have stopped, so we waited. I was sure I had a miscarriage..there was a lot more blood this time.

I got up to go to the waiting room bathroom to check on the bleeding, and felt that gush again. I hurried and got in and gushed in the toilet..this time it didn't seem to want to stop. I kept wiping, and the paper was just soaked in blood. I was hysterical and called for my husband who told the nurse. The nurse told him to have me come see her to check my BP. he told her I couldn't get up from the bathroom! She came to check on me and was alarmed with how much blood there was. She went and got a stretcher and helped me up on it to get my feet up. She had me bumped up on the list, but I still waited for 2 1/2 hours..on a stretcher..in the registration lobby.... People were coming and going, I was crying because I knew I had just had a miscarriage. Nothing could have survived that.

Finally I got a room, and the Dr and nurses were pretty quick to check on me. I had an ultrasound right away. Brendan told me he wasn't optimistic. ..I agreed. I prepared for the worst.

The Ultrasound tech did her thing, and we saw the fetus...with a beating heart!! It was kicking and bouncing around, and the heartbeat was good! She took pictures of everything, and we were shocked. The tech was like, what made you think it wasn't ok? I tried to explain how much I had bleed, but I'm sure she thought I was exaggerating. This was the first time hubby got to see baby moving around. Last time it was being fairly inactive. We saw the legs and I joked 'can you see anything between the legs?'. She laughed and said it's a bit early to see that well enough to tell. Well, 30 seconds later she said, 'It's a girl!!' I said, 'what??' She showed us the 'three lines' and even though I couldn't see what she was trying to show me, I believe her.

So now I'm back home and I'm sore and a little weak feeling, but I'm getting better. I took the rest of the week off, and I'm just trying to rest and relax.

My OB nurse called to follow up with me, and she said that she saw the ultrasound report and I have a 'slight' previa, which is where the placenta partially or completely covers the cervix. She said that a lot of women have it early in pregnancy and most of them will correct themselves as the uterus grows. Hopefully mine will because I don't know if I can handle this happening again!!

My next Dr appointment is Dec31, and they are going to keep a close eye on the previa.

Friday, 21 Dec

Nothing new to report. I `m having a little spotting, but it comes and goes. Feeling very good for the most part, except for the occasional overzealous gag reflex making me puke. By the time I get home from work, I `m pooped and don `t feel like doing much. I hate it because the house is starting to not look so good. Husband is trying to help, but he just isn `t the type to clean much. I `m 15 weeks today, and still waiting to actually LOOK pregnant to the rest of the world! I `m overweight, so it just makes me look more fat right now hehe. Take care everyone!

Monday, 31 Dec

I had my u/s and checkup on Monday. My Sister in Law went with us (my husband and I) to see the ultrasound. I was really scared because I felt like something was wrong. My whole pregnancy, I have felt pretty crampy, tender, and just generally lethargic. These past couple of weeks, I have barely even felt pregnant. I still get tired quickly, like from a shopping trip, or something like that, but I have a lot more energy and I don't feel crampy or tender much at all anymore. My boobs also aren't as sensitive as they were. I was fearing I had a loss of pregnancy symptoms due to a miscarriage, or a missed miscarriage. I also can't feel the baby moving, so I felt like I had no idea what was going on, and no way to confirm if she was ok.

So I was called for the ultrasound and we went in. Baby looked great, she is so big! Heartbeat was 148, which she said was good. I told the tech that the last time I was in the ER the u/s tech there said it was a girl, and I wanted to see if she could confirm that. Baby looked pretty cramped in there, but she was laying on her belly, which isnt the first time she has done that for an ultrasound. The pictures weren't too great because of her position, and how cramped she looked in there. But she was trying to look between the legs, and she said she thinks it's a girl too, but it wasn't a very good picture. Then we saw something moving up and down. She was opening and closing her mouth and swallowing her fluid in the process! That was really neat to see. We talked about how amazing it was that babies do that and most of the amniotic fluid is actually urine! SIL was pretty amazed at that.

So everything looked good, and I felt much better knowing so. I saw the Dr afterwards and she said everything was looking good. She did mention however that the baby is "the full 5 ounces, but that's ok" I guess my baby is huge?! I don't understand how they come up with that figure because the measurements for the head and belly, etc were right at my dates, so how do they know she weighs more than she should? I had a few questions for her about some of my concerns, especially the previa. She said that they generally check around 26 weeks to see if it has moved up and cleared the cervix. I didn't realize it took so long! I asked about being off pelvic rest because I had only had very light spotting the past couple of days, and she suggested that I stay on pelvic rest, but if I don't spot for an entire week, I can go off of it unless I bleed or spot again. Husband was a little disappointed lol We haven't been allowed to have sex for like 2 months! Though we have had to be a little creative, but I can tell he is getting frustrated. He'll get over it hehe So now I have an anatomical scan at the Maternal Fetal Medicine unit at the hospital to do a fine check on body parts and organs. That sounds really neat and I can't wait for that. It will be in 3-4 weeks, and I have to go in to my regular doctor the same day. Hopefully then I can get a final confirmation on GIRL. *crosses fingers*

I swore to myself that if everything was ok with this visit, that I would stop worrying, because she is definitely a fighter, and has already made it though so much. I can't wait to meet her!

Friday, 18 Jan

Nor much going on..I can tell that I am starting to show, as my jeans don't fit without my bellyband now. I still think if you don't know I'm pregnant, you can't tell yet, but being a bigger girl, I just have to wait a little longer. I can't believe I am almost halfway there! I remember the shock I felt when I saw the positive HPT....it seems like so long ago! On rare occasion, I think I feel a bit of movement, but it isn't every day, and it isn't often. I'm sure I will start complaining about kicks soon enough!

Brendan, my husband, is really starting to get into this whole baby thing I think lol Last night, we were at the grocery and he was looking at the baby bath products as I was looking for something to scrub my face with (pregnancy glow my a**!) He was making fun of the "baby Butt" brand stuff, and then I showed him this cute baby wash gloves with little animals on the finger tips. He started making baby sounds like, "lookit the moocow!" It was sooo cute!! I just laughed and thought, wow, is that what he will be like with the baby?? lol He said, well that's what you'll have to get used to hearing soon! lol I can't wait!

I still worry that something will happen. I keep counting down the days thinking..ok at so and so weeks, if the baby comes, she will have X chance of surviving. 19weeks pregnant and I still can't see myself with a baby at the end of all this. What is wrong with me!?! I haven't had any bleeds since the last one, and no spotting for a good while now. I hope all of that is behind me. I still get wetness in my underwear, but that has been going on for a couple of months, and no one has ever said anything about my fluid being low. The Dr also said, when I mentioned it, that I will get a lot more discharge when you're pregnant. It still worries me though, but I try not to think about it.

I go for my anatomy scan on Feb 8th. I hope baby behaves and we can confirm that she IS a she!! I'm actually quite confident she is healthy, which is weird..because I worry about everything else!

Wednesday, 23 Jan

Well, things arent good... Im typing this from my hospital room. I went in for a checkup because of some cramps I was having that went away, but I went to the appt anyway to ask about the pains in my pelvic bone. Well, the dr tried to use the doppler to get a heartbeat and had a hard time maintaining it, so she wanted to do a quick u/s to get the rate. The first thing I noticed on the u/s was a cloud looking thing covering the view..I asked and she said it was my placenta. Baby was in a balled up position, and we got a good heartbeat. I noticed she took a measurement of the fluid level. The dr said to touch base with her after, but they shuffled me around to the lab and checkout that I forgot to see her after. Well when I got to work everyone was saying that the Dr has been calling. I called back and she said that my fluids are very low and my placenta is very enlarged. She has set up for me to be admitted to the hospital! I had no idea anything was wrong..they never gave me that impression. So I get admitted and I'm being monitored for high BP, and they send me to the Fetal Medicine for a level 2 scan. The measurements were not coming up to what they should be. Some up to 2 weeks behind... She said that there is very litle fluid and my placenta is very large and thick. This is apparently indicative of a viral infection or chromosomal defect. Neither with a good outcome. She wanted to do an amnio to rule out the chromosome problem and see what type of virus if any was present. They were about to do it but baby had moved into the one good pocket of fluid. So they couldnt do it. They will e trying again tomorrow. She said if it is a chromosome defect there is 100% chance of mortality. And if there is a viral infection, whatever damage that has been done is irreversible. So it doesnt look good for me, or rather my baby. If there is a chromosome defect and I dont think there is, we may terminate. But if its a viral infection, we arent giving up. So, my little bone pain problem turned into an amnio and possible termination.... great.

Wednesday, 25 Jan

Just a tiny update. Thank you for all your comments! I'm sill in the hospital, but hopefully will be going home today. They are going to do atempt #3 for an amnio today. Ive been on IV fluids since yesterday in hopes that will give enough fluid to do an amnio. After a second u/s yesterday, they think they are ruling out a chromosone defect (trisomy 13 or 18 I think) which is good because there is a 100% mortality rate. The ultrasound showed no signs of any anatomical defects, good facial features, brain looked good. Of course we are still measuring small. The 2 current theories are, I had a viral infection and this stunted the baby's growth and caused the placenta to swell. Or, the placenta has stopped working. Which is not good news. Bu it would explain the stunted growth. However, baby's heartbeat is doing great and she's moving around just fine. They dont think my sac has ruptured. They just want to get enough fluid in there so they can do an amnio and see what's going on. If they dont get it this time, they may just send me home and have an appt to come back for another attempt at the amnio. Baby just has to move out of the one good pocket of fluid. So, Im doing well and coping, we're just playing the waiting game now to see what happens. Baby has been a fighter so far, so hopefully she can hang in there and continue to grow till we can get her out and have a fighting chance.

Sunday, 27 Jan

Im back from the hospital on bed rest, indefinitely. I was wrong, they have not ruled out a chromosome defect. I have been given little to no chance that the baby will survive. I was pretty much sent home until "something" happens, and they are monitoring my blood pressure. Apparently these conditions can be very harmful to the mother too. They were never able to do an amnio as there wasnt enough fluid, even after 24 hours on an IV. I was told it's possible that at my next followup, they wouldnt be surprised if they found the baby had passed already. They say that it looks like it's just getting enough oxygen/nutrition to keep the brain and heart alive. So the main thing they are concerned about is my blood pressure...it was elevated when I was first at the Dr and they think it might be related to these issues. I dont think so though, my BP was always borderline. I feel like they sent me home to wait out my baby's passing. I want to hope for the best, but it's looking more and more like this is the end for me. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, and give your bumps a little rub from me. :)

January 28, 2008

At my followup appointment today, we found the baby no longer had a heartbeat. I will be admitted tomorrow and induced. We will have a pathology report done on the baby to find out for sure what happened so we can make sure that it doesnt happen again. Thanks everyone for your comments and thoughts and prayers. It just wasn't our time. We will definitely try again soon though.

Friday, 1 Feb

Just wanted to let you guys know I am home from the hospital. I am doing pretty good, still a bit sore, and I have ups and downs emotionally. The nurses at the hospital were great. They gave me a large private room at the end of the ward away from the other rooms. Everyone that came to check on me was upbeat and not constantly saying `I `m sorry `. Delivery was rough, it definitely tests your limits! I pretty much did it naturally, the pain meds they gave me only made me really sleepy, but didnt do much, if anything for the pain of the contractions. I was falling asleep in the middle of pushing with all the doctors there! I kept saying Im sorry when I would wake myself up from snoring. I couldnt get an epidural, as it was a bit late when I asked for it. They gave me cytotec, and it makes things happen very fast. It went by pretty quickly I think because I kept falling asleep between contractions, so I have no idea how long I was actually in labor, though I did hear the Dr say it took 18 mins for the delivery. The delivery itself was actually a bit difficult because they only dilated me 3cm, and the head got stuck in the cervix. They couldnt definitively tell me if it was a boy or a girl by looking, so they will let me know with the pathology report and genetic testing they plan on doing. Brendan saw it when it came out, but I was so out of it, I didnt see, and I dont think I would have wanted to see at that point. However, they will be sending me some better looking pictures later. Emotionally I am doing better each day. There are times when I will think about something and it just makes me cry, but I am staying strong and looking forward to getting back to normal. I think the day of my original due date, I am going to plant a weeping cherry tree in my yard as a memorial.

Thursday, 14 Feb

Its been 2 weeks since I delivered my stillborn. I am actually feeling really good both physically and emotionally. I think that whatever was wrong with the baby was making me ill as well. I didn `t know how bad I felt until I felt better...if that makes sense.. I am still off work, and I really don `t like being at home by myself while Brendan is at work. It leaves me to my thoughts, when I really just need to be distracted. I actually cant wait to go back to work so I have something to do with myself! I have told a close coworker friend that if anyone asks, she can tell them what happened.. I would rather they already know when I get there than have to answer a bunch of questions. The sad moments are getting fewer and farther in between. Last week I probably couldn `t have even typed an update without shedding a few tears, today I am in a good mood and don `t mind talking about it at all. I think the only thing that bothers me is the baby shows, I can `t really watch them without getting sad... I just can `t wait to start trying again! Again..THANK YOU ladies for all your kind comments, thoughts, and prayers. I love this site and all of you...I really feel honored to have so many women care about me and what was going on. I hope you all are doing well!!

Tuesday, 18 Mar

I recently got my autopsy and bloodwork results back. Unfortunately, for some reason, the lab that was going to do the genetic testing said the sample the doctor provided for genetic testing on the baby didnt work. The doctor was very upset and dissapointed because she said the sample was more than adequate. So we don `t have chromosome results for the baby now. This is especially disappointing because the autopsy and bloodwork results were a bit inconclusive. They didnt find any abnormalities with the baby, which by the way was a girl, like everyone said :) The placenta did only have 1 artery and 1 vein instead of 2 arteries and 1 vein, but she said this isnt completely uncommon and doesnt always directly result in a pregnancy loss. The umbilical cord was also not attached directly in the center of the placenta, which she said in and of itself doesnt usually result in a loss, but both of these issues can cause slow fetal growth. My bloodwork revealed a single mutation of a gene called MTHFR, which is a fairly common mutation that can cause blood clots. It also causes your body to not absorb folate and Vitamin B as well. The Dr said they will compensate byhaving me take extra Folic acid. So, unfortunately, we dont have a definite reason why we lost the baby. But we do have some things to look out for, and if we do get pregnant again, they want to do an amnio as soon as they can. By the way, I am doing great physcially and emotionally. I am back to work and glad to be out of the house! Hope you ladies are doing well :)

Comments on Stillborn Story

Photos
No photos added.

Latest blogs
02-12-2008 - Just an update
06-11-2008 - Impending miscarriage
03-11-2008 - No idea what date..
17-10-2008 - 6w1d
07-10-2008 - 4w5d
01-10-2008 - Stillborn Story
01-10-2008 - Another go at this?

Agenda