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08-4-2009 - 14w6d

My mood while writing this blog: hormonal

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So I had my Dr appt today. Nothing special. MY BP was fine, but they did it with a manual pump, etc. Every time I get it taken with an automatic machine, its high, like 150/90, but it was 120/70ish today. I explained how its always higher on an automatic, she said it was weird, but they do tend to read higher. I tend to believe the manual ones more. Anyway, nothing too exciting. I saw the Dr and she used the doppler to find the heartbeat, which took a bit, but it was 144ish.

Then we started talkingt, I voiced my concerns about the wet spots and she checked me and did some cultures to check for an infection. She also said it looked normal and explained some things. Then we asked about the next ultrasound and I mentioned I was concerned because things started going wrong about this time in my last pregnancy, then I just started bawling. The Dr I saw today was the Dr that delivered my stillborn the first pregnancy. She was agreeing with me that they will keep a close eye on the fluid levels, etc, but right now things are out of their hands. I just kept crying, and felt silly about it. She was trying to comfort me saying things are going great and Im doing everything that I need to be doing and it doesnt mean what happened will happen again. Brendan tried to comfort me but I shrug him off and I know he hates it, but Im just one of those people that needs to be alone in my misery. Being comforted only makes things worse for me, so I shy away from it and try to force down my emotions. But my hormones just werent having it. I cried the whole way home..I was so mad at myself, I didnt even know why I was crying at that point.

The Dr saw I obviously needed to get an earlier ultrasound to give me some peace of mind, so she scheduled one in 2 weeks just to check things out. I also have the "targeted" ultrasound in about 5 weeks.

I am happy really, but even typing this makes me cry and Im not sure if its happy or sad tears. Im happy things are going well, but scared that they wont go well for long. I think it's just hormones making me crazy!

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7 Comments on 14w6d


PeapodMommy - Monday, 13 Apr
I just read some of you blogs and found out that you have MTHFR. I do too, but I also have Factor V which is a blood clotting disorder. I was just wondering what they are having you take during your pregnancy. I have had 4 miscarriages and no live births. They have me on a prenatal with extra folic acid and a folic acid supplement twice daily. I also take 81 mg of aspirin and a lovenox shot every day.

bonitababy01 - Sunday, 12 Apr
I totally understand!!!! hang in there! My prayers go out to you and your baby!!! God Bless you both!! Have a wonderful easter!!

nmck - Friday, 10 Apr
I can totally understand the inability to control your emotions. And I understand needing to be alone a little. You are lucky Brendan is sensitive enough to try to comfort you. I know some husbands that wouldn't know how! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

3rdtimeisacharm - Wednesday, 8 Apr
I totally get it!!! It's almost like the relief of the appointment brings on the flood of emotions from all the built up worry. I get the same way. Cry all you need to and then have yourself a celebratory ice cream sunday because everything is going well your baby, I just know it!!!

stcy2113 - Wednesday, 8 Apr
I think we all had those days when we were pregnant. Just blame it on the baby, lol. I am so glad to hear that things are going good with the baby. It wont be long before you can find out girl or boy. I would love to say the tears will go away after you have the baby but I cried for about 6 weeks after giving birth. lol Keep me posted!

TexasMommyWannaBe - Wednesday, 8 Apr
You poor thing; you had every right to get hormonal. I can't imagine what you went through. I too lost my baby but it was at 20 weeks and I did not give birth; long story. :( I'm glad the doctor tried to comfort you. My nurses were assholes telling me "you're ok". NO, I'm not ok I was thinking! I too am like you that when I'm sad I don't want a hug; I just want to be alone but know that my spouse is near by. :) I will be thinking of you! Hang in there; you are doing great!!!

maryf914 - Wednesday, 8 Apr
:biggrin. It sounds like emotions and memories are getting the best of you. I think it's perfectly healthy to feel your feelings, it's good for the soul. But after you give yourself some time, I hope you can celebrate the good news too. It sounds like things are progressing wonderfully and worrying won't change that either. Keep your head up and remember, that little one in there is feeling all the same things you are! Have a great night, sweetie.