29-10-2008 - Stress! To say the least!!

My mood while writing this blog: Ugh!!!

So I haven't written a blog in a while, and I really should start keeping up with it a little bit better because I feel I have so much to type at the moment. First off~ This month has been diffulcult to say the least & it makes me glad that it's almost over. To start the month off, On Oct 6th to be excact... My 83 year old grandma has a minor heart attack. Ugh! So my mom calls me and tells me this and I start crying hysterically.. Of course they put her in the hospital and talked about doing angioplasmy! Spelling?

Anywho they decided to do it, and grandma had an appt the following friday to get the procedure done. ok fine. She had an appointment scheduled after her first visit and that's when they discovered she had the 2nd heart attack, So finally my asshole uncle(thats a whole other story) and his friend got her to the hospital to get the angio""" done on her heart.. I call to check up with my mom to see how gram is doing after the procedure.. My mom then tells me that the machine broke before they could do any of the procedure. OMG! So Gram gets all upset and ends up going home. About a week later which is this last weekend, Gram still isn't feeling well, so my mom gets her to the hospital where they finally do the angioplasmy on one day then they decide to put a pacemaker in her as well! If thats not enough.... She's home now, and doing well as far as I can tell. Just another person I would like to see my baby after she's born.

Ok, so on another note. In between all of that.............

I had to remember that on October 9th marked the 10 year anniversary that my dad has been deceased! Which is a very touchy subject for me, considering I was his only blood related daughter and to add to that daddys little girl, So what do i do on that day u ask? I start thinking of how he won't be able to hold his grand baby... So I start bawling! No one understands, They can say they are sorry all they want and i appreciate the thought, but then again, unless u have lost a parent at the age of 15 u really have no clue.. I don't think I ever dealt with the loss of my father the way I should have.

Ok, that day was horrible but I have to get on with my life... Well now comes to something having to do with both my dad and gram.. When my father was alive he had been in and out of the hospital, so much so the Veteran's office gave him a very nice hospital bed. Not just ur average bed, it's a full-queen size bed. Very nice indeed. Well this bed had been up at my god-fathers house for a long while and so i thought it would be a good idea to go and get it for my gram to sleep in..

So hubby and I went to go get it, Well in the process of getting it, I get in a huge arguement with the MIL!!!!!!!!! GReat!! This is a person that i get along with great on a normal basis. But she sure is a [controlling/gotta have it her way/bossy bit*H] At times! I don't dislike this woman, But i don't like the way she goes about things most of the time. She's very harsh! I on the other hand could possibly b too sensitive! Throw being preggo on top of that and i have a flippen breakdown!!!!! OMG! she ends up saying to me" Ur just too wrapped up in everyone else's lives" I wanna shout out to her * Just because u don't fu*kin care about anyone but ur inner cirle* That makes me too wrapped up?? I tell her! This is who i am! I can't help it i worry about my family!!!!

It makes me sad, I have my baby shower coming up and I'm kinda not looking forward to it. For loads of reasons but isn't that bullSH!T!! I should be having the time of my life. and most of the time i am during this pregnancy, But heck. If all this isn't trying enough on me. Pity party...

So today 10-29, I have my monthly appointment and everything is going good, baby weighs 2 lbs 5 ounces. But her right kidney valve is pretty open, which i knew about but my normal doctor. made me think that it would close up and be fine. The doctor says to me today. Nothing life threating but she might have to get surgery after she's born, she night be prone to kidney infections. Ok doc tell me some other bad news!! PLease! So ok It's really not that bad, but i'm freaking out,

On our way out of the hospital (hubby and i) hubby gets a call from his buddy to go fishing, which i had no problem with, but he says oh dude called me.. I fly off the handle... & Say * U couldn't have waited to get out of the hospital to talk to him? *he says* Well i wasn't gonna avoid his call. Oh ok, *I'm freaking out over my daughter possibly having to get surgery and ur just gonna go fishing and not even discuss this with me? We get in a big fight on the way home, Then we get home and he stays away from me for a while, then comes up to me and says* Honey, I didn't mean to make u upset. So i start crying. I say u wanted me to get preg SSSSOOOO bad, but u don't know how to handle me! I say ya know u can go have a drink or whatever but what can i do just dwell and have no one to talk to about this? So here i am, typing my little fingers to the bone! My back is killing me! I just want to curl up in a ball and have no one bother me! Thats ok i'll get over it. Things will be fine. I'll just put on my little happy face and be optimistic like i always am...

I've already blabbed enough. I hope everyone is doing and feeling better than i am at this very moment :)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo