05-8-2008 - hospital

My mood while writing this blog: not sure....

WOW what a week ive had!

Last wednesday i went to my gp for a cheack up and to get a referal to the antinatal clinic at the hspital (they dont take referals before 14 weeks)

So we did the referal and then i told my dr that ive been getting realy bad dizzy spells and it makes me feel realy sick and sometimes makes me pass out, as well as having realy bad headaches.

Ive been telling him this for weeks but we put it down to the flu i just got rid of and the unpleasantness of early pregnancy, considering as how it hasnt gotten better and the fact that i cant look after my toddler, i cant do food shopping, hell i cant even cook dinner without feeling like i need to pass out!

He did my blood preasure wich was 120/60 pre pregnancy, then went up to 145/80 a few weeks ago and was a staggering 190/90 this time. He told me to get up to the hospital asap and go to the antinatal part and get them to cheack things out.

So off we go to the hospital to see what happens now, arrived at the antinatal desk and they told me to go to the emergency department! Went there and waited over 2 hours just for them to send me strait back to antinatal! I was furious! drs tellin me my blood presures way too high and needs to be treated asap yet they kept making me wait!

Waited another hour and a half at antinatal before they saw me and that dr sent me in for day saty to be monitored. At 5pm when the midwives were going home i got sent up to delivery! Can you imagine my panic when drs wont tell me whats going on or give me a strait answer then the send me at 15.4 weeks pregnant up to delivery!

I freaked right out, sent my bp through the roof and i passed out.

Woke up in a bed in delivery with an iv and a bp cuff on my arm, buzzed a midwife and said what the hell is going on!

She explained that i was here cause the ward was not ready for me yet and that i was being admitted! Nice of them to tell me this before hand!

at 9:30 pm i was transfered down to the antinatal ward but cause they were full of antinatal patients but had many free bed in the post natal wing i was put there in a room with 3 other mums who had just given birth! They told me to rest and to only get out of bed if i absolutly had too, but i was in a room with 3 new borns! who can sleep though that? Especialy since my son was at home with his daddy and not with me every cry woke me up just on relex! on thursday the drs came and cheacked me again, and were worried that my bp wasnt going down, i told them i wasnt supprised and what did they expect putting me in a post natal room, so they moved me on thursday night.

Friday morning, i was woken up by a midwife taking my bp and was shocked to find it was only 90/40! WTF? Had more blood tests than i care to remember, wich reveiled mild levels of protein, and very high levels of keytones, did a billion other tests, saw nurosurgeons, perinatalists, obstatritions, midwives and their dogs and made the mistake of telling them i had been diagnosed bi polar as a child, well, then i had to see the phyc team and all!

At the end of all this they strill dont know whats wrong with me! All they can tell me is that baby is very healthy and doing brilliantly (at last some good news) but as for me im not to get out of bed and they dont know whats wrong!

My bp on discharge was back up to 180/90

All of my test results and symptoms point towards pre eclamsia, but they will not diagnose it as such till after the 20th week, till then its denial all the way!

Im going back tomoro, and would not be supprised if im readmitted.

Nan is treating me like a lyer (cause they usualy admitt fakers to hospital) and is convinced that im doing this to myself to stress her out! Everything has to be about her, mind you she would say the same for me but at the momment yes i feel everything should be about me, keeping me well enough to bring this baby into the world alive and well!

Am i so selfish as to ask for some sympathy and respect when i am obviously not well and have drs telling me for the last few weeks that im only going to get worse and a premmie birth around 30 weeks is imenent.

I feel so guilty knowing that my poor baby is doing so well and growing so strong, but my body just cant handle it and is slowly failing her.

I cant stand the thought of knowing that they will have to take her from her home inside me well before she is ready, i dont want to have to wach her suffer in a nicu bed knowing that shes there just because my body failed us both!

And the worst thing is knowing that im only 16.3 weeks and i have so far to go yet.

This is hell!

But will be well worth it at the end of it all when i have my baby.