30-7-2009 - The Power of Prayer!

My mood while writing this blog: Incredibly HAPPY!

Today was the day!! My 20-week U/S!! I wasn't like a lot of the other ladies here, in being able to find out baby's gender at the NT-scan, but rather ... my doc ended up giving me frightening news, telling me that the NT measurement was "boarderline" (2.2 @ 14w - or, 14w1d?) and made it all seem like we were destined for doom & gloom, with mention of amnio - just the look on his & his assistant's face had me so worried. Like most women, I immediately ran to the nearest computer and Googled my ass off ... Then, came the Quad-Screen, which I was warned would probably come back bad just because of my age (40), but I went ahead & did it, in hopes that maybe it, combined with the NT-scan, would actually IMPROVE the bleak outlook. BOY, was I wrong about that!!! I missed the docs call with the results, and played phone-tag right up until Friday, and got to freak out all weekend long (as well as having more drama on the home-front with my estranged spouse & son :o( ) Any way, the results were finally given to me around 7pm Monday - at first, I was really pretty thrilled ... UNTIL I Googled! I guess the doom & gloom in that docs voice should have prevented me from getting excited in the first place, but I "needed" some glimmer of hope... When she called, she began by saying "Well, I have some GOOD news, and some NOT-so-good news..." The test results were: based on my age, a 1 in 81 chance of a chromosmal(sp?) problem, like Down's, Trisomy-18, Trisomy-13, and/or a neural tube problem ... The part that was good was that the over-all risk assessment came back as 1 in 214 chance, so BETTER than based on age alone - I was SO worried that it was gonna come back at something really scary like 1 in 5, or something, and my heart goes out to those women, this was scary enough for me!! ANYWAY... she started talking amnio (what is with these docs & their big needles?? I think they're just dying to stab someone with them, so they go after us poor old ladies! Go get a young girl, dammit! LOL! Just teasin'!!) she said the part that concerned her was that my levels in 2 of the 4 serums they check came back LOW (see my last blog) and they just happened to be the AFP and the hCG. I knew that a HIGH indicated Down's (and I "thought" T-13 & T-18, but was wrong about that!!) so I was relieved that baby didn't have Down's, though I was prepared for it, and had come to terms with it, and new that a Down's child would truly be a blessing in disguise (btw, I admire all the families who chose to follow through on having a child w/ Down's ... especially the younger Mommy's, cuz it is hard thing to come to terms with & accept, esp. for a younger woman I would think?? Those young ladies are in my highest regard!!) On with the rest ... I made the terrible mistake of Google'ing ... learned that I may possibly be facing Trisomy-18!! OMG!! THAT scared me to death!! With all the heart-ache that I've been going through in my personal life, I just really, truly, thought that I could NEVER possibly get through losing a baby to T-18 ... It's like right when I think things couldn't get any worse, things always do!! After the last stuff I learned my husband had done, I just didn't think there was ANYTHING that could EVER be worse for me ... Until I thought that I'd have to make funeral arrangements for my tiny unborn blessing :o( Suddenly, I realized that NOTHING else even compared to this - none of it MATTERED as much as this ... God has put me through A LOT of trials this past year & a half, and I keep on keeping the faith that HE'll get me through it all, so HE is the one I looked to for this, it was hard sometimes, I almost even caved-in to the amnio after the Quad-screen, but felt that it would be contradicting the faith that I'd had in God, you know what I mean?? So, I finally made it to U/S day ... I have never dreaded an u/s before, but with all these doctors acting as though the worst possible was coming my way, I couldn't help but worry that the u/s would show all sorts of "markers" that they look for in trying to confirm T-18 ... GOD was with me today!! :o) Not one single marker or thing of concern showed up AND............. I even got the little GIRL that I've been hoping for so much!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! :o)

** U/S pics will be posted later - gotta go swimming with my little one! He's pitching quite the FIT! LOL! **