26-8-2009 - Weight, BP, Medical Tracking

My mood while writing this blog: a little sad these days...

At 24w/0d ---

Pre-preg. weight was around 116 (doc said at my appt around ovulation time, my weight was 119!?!?)

Weight: 119 (what the HECK!?!?)

Body Fat %: 25.4 M

Baby's HR by home doppler: 145-155

I'm getting a little concerned over weight gain - or, in my situation, LACK OF :o( so I'm trying to pay more attention to what I eat - making sure that I do eat! And, I'm drinking Carnation Instant Breakfast to fill in the gaps - I try to have 1 or 2 per day, which should be giving me around 500-600 calories right there!

I blame my lack of weight-gain on all the stress in my life. Last week, I had yet another court hearing with my spouse ... he showed up with another woman :o( It was the most sickening, and heart-breaking feeling in the world ... to carry a man's baby in your belly, right beneath your heart, and here he is with someone else ... I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this, and I know that I would never "wish" this on any other woman....ever! And, how on earth could that other woman even do something like that? I know for them, it'a all about the drugs, partying, good-times ... my God, what hapened to morals?

I lay in bed each night, alone, except for the unborn daughter I carry in my womb, and I cry myself to sleep... I wonder if he's holding HER hand, rubbing her head, the way he did mine ... telling HER how MUCH he loves HER while making love... how much more can my heart take?? I fear that my baby will be affected by all the hurt & sadness & heart-break that I'm feeling... I just want to know love & happiness again...

Any way, I feel the tears coming, so I'll stop while I'm ahead ... (too late!)