TraceyL's I-am-pregnantblog

TraceyL
	Age: 28 Country: UK Province/region: - City: Manchester Partner: Andrew Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 07 Aug ,2011 Occupation: Mum
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 650 days ago. Member since: 1400 days
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18-12-2009 - Decisions

My mood while writing this blog:
down

This year has been absolutely terrible for me and my family. we are really struggling financially at the minute and with it being Christmas it just seems to have made everything so much worse. i haven't even been able to afford my tree yet. if it was just me and Andrew it would be fine and i wouldn't care about not having my tree yet but i've got 2 kids and Lucy specially being 8 she sees all the ohter houses with their lights up and their decorations and then we get to our house and there's a few cards on the mantel. She has been so good about it all and she knows that at the beggining of next week we will be getting our tree and by wednesday the living room will be decorated. my heart just breaks for her sometimes,

things have just been so tough recently and it's really getting me down. it's got to the point now where i cry nearly every day. i am constantly worrying about everything and anything. i worry i'm letting my daughter down because things are really tough financially at the minute. i worry i'm letting her down because she see's me and Andrew nit picking at each other over stupid little things.

i worry that christmas isn't going to be what my daugher deserves, i'm not talking about having the fanciest presents or how much stuff she's going to have. i worry about whether i'll manage to make it through the day without crying.

i worry about John and the fact that he hasn't slept a full night in about 3 months, i worry about how he only has 4 teeth and i know other babies the same age who have loads more. i worry about how he only says Daddy and not Mummy.

i worry about my electric and gas lasting me through (i'm on a meter) i worry about how i'm affording to feed my kids. i worry all the time.

last night i made the decision to visit my GP in the new year and ask to be put on antidepressents or something because right now i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and i'm fed up of feeling like this.

Tracey

p.s. heidismummy - not to be mentioned in person at work - high risk of tears x

4 Comments on Decisions

2LoveAndBLoved - Wednesday, 23 Dec
I'm so sorry that things have been so tough for you. Nobody should have to go through that. One step in front of the other and follow through with your plan to talk with your doc. That is thier job...to help you live a better life. Sending you good wishes!

ElliottnDeclans-mummy - Wednesday, 23 Dec
Aww hun, you sound so down, the same way I was last year. I really hope things pick up for you soon, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it's just a struggle to find it that's all xx

proud.mummy.of.3xxx - Friday, 18 Dec
Aww hun I am so sorry you feel so down I am on antideppresants and I feel much better me the same as you worrying about money I am also on a meated dont worry to much hun I am sure all will be fine and I bet you have some christmas presents children dont need big piles of things dont worry as for John and his teeth they will come hun when they are ready Riley not got a single 1 yet and no sine of any coming and she is nearly 9 months if you need to talk just privat message me keep your chin up hun all will be ok in the end you will see all my love hun and hugs xxxxxx Leigh xxxxxx

cluckandjen - Friday, 18 Dec
I was diagnosed with depression not so long back due to a number of events over the past year or so that finally caught up with me. I was crying every day, was unable to move out of bed due to my body telling me to slow down and although I love my kids I was starting to feel my life wasn't worth living. I know my circumstances are diferent but please see your GP NOW before things get as bad as I let them.As for Christmas it will be fun putting things up close to Christmas so try not to be too hard on yourself. Have you tried ebay? you can pick up some great deals new or old toys or clothes!! I use it all the time. As for packaging all you say is santa was kind this year and got rid of all those awful boxes! Food wise do what you can afford...who says it has to be traditional?? my friend NEVER makes Christmas dinner because she doesn't want to be stuck in the kitchen when it is a family day and prepares a salad the night before. Try not to beat yourself up, visit your GP and please enjoy family time this Christmas. Big hugs xxx

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