01-1-2009 - Pregnancy Vent-Excuse the language please!

My mood while writing this blog: Frustrated

Ok my turn to vent and it does not deal with BD for once. I'm just laughing at him at the time being. So anyway here's my problem: Since BD and I broke up I'm obviously staying home at mommy's house because I can't afford to go anywhere else. OMG do I wish I could I would love to get out of here. Currently I live in a 3 bedroom house with my mom, my brother, and my oldest son. Well when my brother moved back home over a year ago he decided he would just kick my 8 year old out of his room and now my son has no room at all, he goes back and forth between my room and my mom's room to sleep. His toy box and stuff is still in my brothers room which he can't even get to unless my brother has his kids because he's not allowed in there....not only that Cody used to be able to go in the other room to watch cartoons or whatever well now my brother decided to take over the TV also. The TVs in the bedrooms have to all be on the same channel, the living room is the only one that can watch something different....so it's like everything was taken away from my son...totally unfair. Well we have learned to deal with it because there is nothing else we can do but deal with it. Now my brother went from single and dating to getting married over night a couple weekends ago. He spent some time with an X-girlfriend and over night they decided they would get married. Well she has a 2 1/2 year old that is an okay kid sometimes but a whiny ass lil brat that gets on my ever lasting nerve sometimes too...mainly when he is tired or when he doesn't get his way but the mommy does nothing but ask him "are you finished yet" She needs to bust his butt on occassion if you ask me and give him a reason to be a whiny butt. Plus on top of that she smokes.....I don't choose to kill myself or my kids with smoke and I don't appreciate her thinking she can come up in this house and kill me or my kids with her smoke either. I have dealt with my mom's smoke for all my life but she doesn't smoke that much and the brand she smokes isn't too bad....well my brothers girlfriend smokes all the time it seems and instead of doing it in the bedroom with my brother she comes in the living room to kill us instead. That is totally pissing me off. I hate cigarette smoke and I don't think she has the right to come into the residence where I live and kill my family. I had to cover my face this morning because I couldn't stand the smoke. Granted this is mom's house and I don't really have a right to speak about it but it's getting on my damn nerves. Now to top it off I think she is moving in here this month. She quit her job and looses her apartment as of the 31st of this month to move to where we live (she lives 30 mins away) and aparently she is moving in here. THERE IS NO FUCKING ROOM FOR HER OR HER KID IN THIS HOUSE!!!! Now my mom is talking about giving up her room to them so they have more space. My mom told me I've given up alot for you for the past 8 1/2 years I can give up to them too....I said I never ran you out of your bed room though. I'm the one that needs the fucking space...I have absolutely nowhere to put a crib because me and my oldest son's stuff is pilled into one room. His girlfriend has a fucking apartment why the hell does she need to move in here with her bratty ass 2 year old and run my mother out of her room. My mom cannot handle the stress she is under already...plus I'm bringing another baby into this house and I cannot help it. I have no where else to go right now but my brother's girlfriend can help it...she has a freakin' apartment and there is no reason for her to give it up...they can freakin' move into her house. OMG I feel so selfish at this point but I feel like I have no other choice in my life but to be here right now and I feel they do have other choices so why do this to my mom or me and my son. I am being very selfish and I know it but damn if I could change my situation I would but I can't. I don't even have a place for my baby and they have a place to go...why not move the hell out and give my son back his room and hell maybe I could even put the baby in there with my oldest son instead of all of us being pilled up into one freakin' bedroom. Ok I better stop venting now because I am going to start repeating myself even worse than I have already.

P.S. Let me add I like the girl and won't mind her being my SIL one day but I don't want her or her kid or her smoke right under my ass everyday!!!!!!!