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07-6-2008 - Frustrated with Life

My mood while writing this blog: Stessed

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Okay so I have 3 boys. Gavin is my oldest. He is 6. I had him when I was 17. I had custidy of him until he was 2. Then my Mom pulled a slick messed up stunt and got a court order for custody right after his 2nd birthday. It was right after I got married. Eventhough I fought very hard for him the court still granted her custody. And only 6 weeks after that I was in court for him again because my mom wanted to give custody of him up to my aunt. That was 4 years ago and while I was very bitter and upset at the time. I now realize it was the best thing for him. He is very happy and he knows that I am his mommy. Now I have Malique he is my middle child but to me feels like my oldest child. He will be 3 next month. I got pregnant with him about 6 months after I got married to my husband. Right after I found out I was pregnant with him my husband went to jail for 2 1/2 years. He got out at the end of May 2007. My son hardly knows him at all. I took him to see his daddy many times while he was in jail. But they didn't get to bond like they should have. I got pregnant with my youngest son in July 2007. He has gotten to bond with him and Keelan loves him. He is very good with Keelan. But Malique is a momma's boy because I am all he really knows. He is also very close to my husband's brother. My husband doesn't seem to know how to deal with him though. He is the average 2 year old hyper and loud loves to play outside no matter what the weather is like. But Derrick (husband) is so hard on him. I do believe in disapline but all he does is yell at him and get right in his face. I try to explain to him that he is scaring him and try to ask him how he would feel if someone 3 times your size was right in your face screaming at you. He does think that he is doing anything wrong because he doesn't put his hands on him. I don't know what to do. My kids are my life and I will fight to the death for them I don't care if he is their daddy. I want them to be close but it seems as if he is playing favorites and I hate it but I don't know what to do about it. We constintly fight about it.

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