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08-1-2009 - No baby?>

My mood while writing this blog: sad

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Let start on Monday I was so happy because I knew the next day I was off work and was going to have a doctors appt at 10am and a 3-D ultrasound appt at 330pm to find out what the sex of the baby was a little earlier than my doctor would tell me. I could barely sleep all night because i was so excited. I went and picked up my MIL so she could be with me all day and my Mom was going to meet up with us at the 330 appt. We sat in the waiting room for a while trying to think of boy names because I already knew my girl name. Finally they called me back and did the doppler thing to find the baby's heart rate . He was having a hard time hearing it so he said he would do a quick ultrasound to get a better reading. (Don't worry) The ultrasound tech couldn't find the heartbeat either so they decided they needed to do a enternal ultrasound (How fun!) the doctor just kept saying it doesn't look good. He said it looks like the heart has stopped beating sometime within the last seven days. OMG! What did I do in the last seven days to make this happen. I am over sixteen weeks why would I have to worry about this so far along ? I got dressed and was sent with my shocked MIL into the doctors office to decide how I was going to get the baby out. Do I let it come out natural ? I don't think I could just sit around and let my dead child fall out of me God knows where. They could give me medicaion to make me have labor? I don't think i could stand going threw all that pain and go home with empty hands. Do I have a D&C ? There are risk with that b/c I am so far along. Like they could poke a hole in my uterus and if there was heavy bleeding they would have to remove my uterus. But the positive is that I would be asleep and it would be over when I woke up . I decided that would be the best thing for my mind. When i got to the hospital they wanted a $200 dollar co pay and a $200 dollar deductable like I haven't been threw enough today. then they took me back to give me a IV with fluids and something to relax me . I was then asked what I wanted to do with the baby. I could pick a funeral home or they had one that would do it for no charge . If I didn't decide I could let them know within seven days. Wow what alot for one day. Everything went well with the procedure. I just feel so empty now. My husband did not want the pregnancy in the begining so it's not something we can just try again. I wanted this so bad. Everything happens fo a reason I know.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord . "They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

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7 Comments on No baby?>


Feelin-huge - Saturday, 10 Jan
I'm so sorry for your loss! I can't imagine what you are going through. You are in my prayers...

NavyMommy09 - Friday, 9 Jan
I'm am so sorry to hear about this.

Excited4June - Friday, 9 Jan
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can't even imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you!

KarenBG - Friday, 9 Jan
I am so sorry to hear about this. What an ordeal to have gone through. I am really glad for you that you weren't alone at that appointment. My thoughts and hopes are with you.

RainbowRach - Thursday, 8 Jan
OMG, I am so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you ((hugs))

Christine G - Thursday, 8 Jan
Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers. You do have support with you MIL and your mother. I sure hope that you'll be alright and when it comes to TTC'ing I'll send you piles of baby dust. The best to you and your husband.

metsmom - Thursday, 8 Jan
I know how this must be a horrible time for you as im going thru it myself. It will take time, lots of time but it will get easier to move along. You are in my prayers and hopefully your man changes his mind and decides to try again. Baby dust to you momma...