23-2-2009 - trying again??? maybe

My mood while writing this blog: ugh

Here is my frustration that I’m going to get out. It’s been rough suffering this second miscarriage. After you have one, you think, it was just a fluke thing and next time around, everything will go smoothly. But after you have another one, you start to doubt and lose hope. You start you wonder, will I be able to have children? What’s wrong with me? I’ve been a complete roller coaster this time. One minute I’m okay and able to look at babies and baby things. The next, I get angry and jealous when I see a pregnant woman, or I can’t stand to see anything baby related. I hate it… All I want to do, is try again. Right now! But my doctor believes that my miscarriages are caused by stress. So my husband wants to wait til I can stop working before we try again. He says this summer. I know it’s not far away but I still don’t want to wait that long! I’m not on birth control (we’re only using the withdrawal method) and there has been two times in the last week where he didn’t fall thru with the method. I asked him why and he said it’s because he loves me and trusts me. We both want children but I want them now and he kinda wants to wait. Such a damn mess! Ugh… sorry, I’m just hoping that I don’t get my period this next cycle but, we’ll see.

p.s. sorry if this blog doesn’t make any sense lol