20-4-2009 - stuff??? haha

My mood while writing this blog: happy/thoughtful

well, just a little update… after our appointment this Friday we were so excited, we couldn’t help but tell some more people. we told some more family members and a few close friends. but I was somewhat disappointed to see that my hubby steve still wasn’t too excited. it’s so easy for me to cry now that when we started talking about it, I was bawling. it’s hard because, I know the m/c weren’t my fault but in a way, i feel like it is. (not sure if that makes any sense lol) but this time around, steve doesn’t really want to look at baby things yet, he doesn’t want to tell people yet, he doesn’t want to read the books yet. he keeps saying he wants to wait til we pass the 12 week mark. he said he hated seeing me on the hospital bed, crying, waiting to go into surgery. he said he is supposed to protect me and that he felt helpless. he wanted to take my pain away but he knew he couldn’t. we talked about it for over an hour and I told him it is difficult because I’m excited and want to talk to someone about what I’m experiencing and the only person that has been positive the whole way through are my parents. especially my mom. she’s the one I talk to the most. (she’s awesome) but at the same time, steve is my best friend and we share and talk about everything. so it’s been so hard not to tell him what I’m thinking or feeling. I finally said to him, think of this pregnancy in a positive way. not a, what if something bad happens, way… cuz, what if everything is totally normal and fine with this pregnancy, and you were bummed during the beginning for no reason? so, he decided that was a good way to look at it. and things have been much better. sorry this blog is a bunch of random jibberish lol basically, I’m happy and stoked about this baby! haha