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|17-7-2009 - One Year Ago (part 2)
||My mood while writing this blog:|
I woke up on July 17, 2008 ready to go. I wanted to meet my girl so bad. They came in to check me after laying with another dose of cervidil and still no change. My OB came in and broke my water and said this should speed things up and by 10 or so they were giving me a Pitocin drip. LET ME TELL YOU, Pitocin is not your friend. I never ever felt a pain like that in my life. The best laboring position for me was on the ball and in the shower on the ball. Laying down was a nightmare and I actually said once "I can't do this" I still to what was left of my plan saying I did not want an epidural. I would tough it out. Again i kept invisioning that waterbirth. My sister's were helping me out so much. My older sister was there for comic relief and my younger is a massage therapist like me and was doing reflexology and massage on me in between contractions. I didn't like anyone touching me during. The day past and a nurse came in in the evening and said its time to do a check. I thought for sure that I had dilated with how much pain i was in. I watched her face as she checked my cervix. I tear formed in her eye and I knew this was not good. She knew how much i wanted this as natural as possible, knowing all the induction stuff was far from what i wanted. She said she'd be right back. I sat there just unsure of what my future held. Next thing I knew I was being handed papers by people I never saw before they weren't my Dr's or my nurses. I asked what i was signing them for and the reply broke my heart. "This is for your C-Section" My mind raced in a million directions, no one warned me about a c-section we didn't even talk about it at all. I never set myself up for that. i was upset right away that my Dr or nurse didn't inform me first before a whole troop of OR staff was preping me. As soon as they walked out, I lost it. I cried harder than I ever cried in my life. Within minutes I was walking intot the OR. My family was outside and I couldn't even look at them. I sat on the table mind racing again as they put in my epidural. I was angry not sure who i was angry at but i felt complete anger towards this situation. They set me up and started poking at me asking me if i felt it and i felt it all. They looked at each other and kept saying how bout now? Nope still felt it, so they began anyway. It was the worst experience of my life, the pain was horrible and I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted her out now, and I wanted off that table. I won't go through everything its still too painful to relive and i'm already in tears. (if you would like to read more its all in my birth story) I did get to see my girl for a brief moment in the recovery room and I kept asking when i could see her again, I felt so cheated. Hours later I was so happy and so in love with my little one. My life has changed forever thanks to my Beautiful Girl Aneila Grace. Happy Birthday little one!
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