24-7-2008 - BirthStory

My mood while writing this blog: exhausted but excited

where do I begin?? I arrived at the hospital on Wednesday July 16th 8:00 am to start my induction... i really never thought I'd go to 42 weeks but as you read on you'll see it was all meant to be. I get checked in and all comfy in my birthing suite... it was beautiful all cherry wood furniture and a large tub for the water birth a pull out couch for the love of my life... i was the only woman on the labor and delivery side. It was so quite and peaceful I just was starting to feel good about the whole process. My midwife came in to insert cervidil shortly after I arrived I had to lay in bed for two hours then i was free to move around.. I think the worst part was to be hooked up to the fetal monitors they were so irritating to my stretch marks. the baby responded well to it all, her heart rate never once dropped. After the two hours I walked the hallways and sat on my ball, try to take cat naps... etc... later that day my boyfriend arrived and my midwife followed to check my progress. Still 1cm... ok what now, cervidil #2, again in bed for two hours ..ugh (she also stripped my membranes hoping to bring on natural labor so we didn't have to go to pitocin the next day. so now on top of contractions and cramping the bleeding started... i took a sleeping pill because I couldn't lay there thinking anymore, i was just emotionally drained at that point. the next morning my midwife is back to check and still 1cm... she could not believe it and all I could do was ball my eyes out!! in came the pitocin... I just cried the whole time that put the IV in, everyone couldn't understand why i was crying it's just not what I had planned. So now they come in every ten minutes and bump up the pitocin to eventually reach 30... the contractions came on quick and strong... I never would have thought something could be so painful... I tried every position to get relief and nothing was working... laying down was the worst... my body was going into convulsions and i was crying uncontrollably... i finally said i had to get up... i sat on the ball and it was a bit easier to handle standing was ok but i felt like my knees were going to buckle with every contraction... i watched that monitor and still my baby was going strong not a hint of trouble... my contractions were reading in the 140's.... I then said something i never thought i would... "I can't do this anymore" I moved to the shower with my ball and sat in there for 40min crunching on ice chips inbetween contractions that were only about 1 to 2 mins apart at this time... I just kept thinking can i handle 12/20 hours of this... ,my midwife came in and broke my water hoping to speed things up a bit....I did not want that epidural. My sister was a huge help rubbing my feet in between contractions, holding pressure on my back during. Thank God for my family. So finally after about 9 stratight hours of craziness my midwife told the nurse to check me cause she could come for awhile... so the nurse's face said it all, she looked as if she would cry too, she turned to me and said "you're still a 1" I had no emotion... just blank, i starred into space for about 20 minutes, she said she was calling my midwife to see what more we should do.... so i sat there painfully breathing thru each contraction hoping something would happen. then out of no where a women stood in front of me asking me to sign paperwork for a c-section... i was so confused no one had even come in to tell me thats what they were considering... I again went inside myself hoping that was for later "just in case" next thing i know more nurses follow with stockings and they are putting them on me, making me sign more papers... i felt like i was in a dream, i had no warning.... as soon as they left i lost it... i cried like i've never cried before... my parents arrived just as they had me walking into the OR, it was so unreal. they sat me on the table and told me they would start the epidural... my life began flashing before me... what the hell was going on?? the lady thought she would be funny and say "who wants to push a baby out of their hooha anyway?" i could have punched her, because thats exactally what i wanted to do. then she started, i felt fluid rushing down my back and then she said do you bleed easy?? NO! I had no idea that was blood rushing down my back... I am a big girl there is no doubt about that so they had to pump me full of that stuff and it still was working i felt every pin prick and cold compress they were testing me with... I turned to her and said in an angry voice "I BETTER NOT FEEL A THING" so assured me i wouldn't. finally i was going numb and they said ok we're starting.... but where's my boyfriend??? they forgot to bring him in... they ran and got him. i just looked him straight in the eyes and said i was so scarred. he kissed my forehead and held my hand tight. Then it happen I felt pain everywhere... i screamed I can feel it... they said its just pressure I said NO ITS PAIN NOT PRESSURE!! I felt like i was being torn apart... the baby was stuck in my pelvis.. they had to use a suction on her head to get it out then a nurse was pounding on my stomach with her elbow each time hitting me in the ribs it hurt so bad i just cried and screamed for them to stop, they just kept saying its only pressure... my chest had sharp pains and then i hear them say her blood pressure is falling 80/34... oh my God I'm going to die, thats all i thought, i again turned to my boyfriend and begged him to stop them. they had to cut me more, finally her head was out then they continued push on my belly to get her body out. then i heard her cry but i was more focused on the pain. I asked how much longer they said 20 mins i screamed i can't do 20 more mins i felt them pump more epidural in. As they were putting things back and sowing my up I had the worst pain in my vagina like they were ripping it from the outside in. I was feeling like the worst day of my life. They were finally done. I just wanted my baby... they brought me to recovery and told me what just happened. I started crying again, they asked why and i said "you're cheating me! I want to see my baby, everyone else is out there looking at her and i haven't seen her yet" they told me they don't bring baby's in recovery i cried so hard and they brought her in for 2 mins i kissed her and she just looked at me and i was in Love. they took her away and told me she weighs 11lbs... i didn't believe them. No wonder my body wouldn't go into labor or dilate it wasn't meant to be but somehow in my mind i was still angry. They brought me to my room and set me up in bed,, i just kept asking for my baby. They finally brought her in, i pulled off my gown and said can i breastfeed? they said yes and turned away I started they then turn back saying lets show you how... i was already doing it and she was a hungry little beast... i was sad when they told me that i have to supplement formula because her glucose was low and she's too big to wait for my milk to come in. So i would breastfeed first then give her 1 oz thru a bottle, she had no problem going back and forth.. that was my fear but with a big hungry baby I didn't have to worry at all, my milk came in on Sunday and boy did it come in quick.. my boobs were huge. It was so great to know i can finally statisfy my baby without formula... every nurse kept coming in wanting to see the talk of the hospital, 11lb babygirl. I wouldn't let them take her.. they kept saying are you sure so you can rest we'll take her... NO WAY i already felt cheated. I was in the hospital until monday afternoon... and was so happy to be going home. she weighed 10lbs 10oz's when we left and at her appt with the pediatrican yesterday she weighed 10lbs 14oz, and was 22in long, they messed up on the day she was born.. HOLY CRAP she's even bigger than we thought. i will post more later about our few days home so far... she is beautiful and wonderful and My life is worth living every moment just to please her. she is a great baby and I'm so happy.