06-5-2009 - Am I really that bad of a mom??

My mood while writing this blog: Stressed to the max!!

Sorry, this might be a little long…but I need to vent!!

Mason will be 10 weeks on Thursday...wow, time really flies!! Here's the deal...ever since he was born, I have told the doctors that he has a stomach issue. You just know when something is wrong with your child...and there is, but they WON'T listen to me! He wouldn't latch on to me correctly. He kept sucking in his lower lip and it was very painful. We tried a nipple shield, the SNS (supplement nursing system), every lactation nurse in the area tried helping us...NOTHING worked. So I was pumping and giving him what I pumped through a bottle. I thought he was getting enough...he was sleeping 3-5 hours at a time and he would eat until he fell asleep. Well he kept dropping his weight (19 ounces total from birth) and they ran a blood test to check his jaundice level (slight yellow) and the level that shows if he's dehydrated or not (I forgot the name of the test). Well, of course he was dehydrated. We got the phone call they we were dreading...to take him to the hospital. They hooked him up on an IV (after about 5 pokes from different people). They pumped fluid in him left and right. He started finally gaining weight. We had to stay in the hospital for 2 nights, 3 days. We haven’t had to go back in since then…thank God!

He is now gaining weight really good. Well, as bad as it sounds, that became a pain to pump every two hours. So I slowly cut that down and I ended up drying up. The doctors had me put him on Sensitive formula because he had started out with breast milk. Well that wasn’t working for him (he was really constipated). I had to give him suppositories to go poop. We took him back in to the doctor and they switched him to Soy formula (this was after about a week and half). At this time, they told us that he also has acid reflux and gave me Zantac to give to Mason. He then started to spit up and still wasn’t pooping normal, so guess what they did now??? Yup, switched his formula once again after about 3 more weeks…this time to Alimentum. They say he is protein sensitive. We had to wean him into the Alimentum. They advised that I use half Alimentum and half Sensitive until the Sensitive was gone. Of course I had just bought 2 huge Costco size cans of the Sensitive. He has been on Alimentum only for a little over a week now.

We took him to the Dr yesterday because he has a cough, diarrhea, he’s not sleeping, and spitting up as much as he's taking in. Since he is on Alimentum the doctor said that it's normal to have the diarrhea. The cough is part of the acid reflux (which he is changing that prescription to Prevacid). The spitting up is from his stomach flap not closing all the way and the formula coming back up because it's so thin. Alimentum is much thinner than the any other formula. So because of this he is having us mix cereal with it now. This will hopefully help a lot of things, plus the sleeping. I'm not kidding, Mason would probably eat 6 ounces every 2 hours if I'd let him. It just didn’t seem to fill him up at all. I HATE the idea of giving him cereal at such a young age, but I guess they’re suppose to know what’s best…right? I mean, they are the ones that go to school for so many years.

I asked the doctor what would happen if the cereal doesn’t work, and he told us that he would then have to go in for some major testing that would consist of a lot of radiation. I don’t want Mason to go through any of that, but I DO want to know what the heck is wrong with him!

I thought that maybe, just maybe he would sleep better last night so that I could sleep too…but nope, he didn’t. He will only sleep if he’s in my arms. As soon as I put him down, he’ll sleep for maybe 10-15 minutes and then he wakes back up. He will cry bloody murder, until his whole face turns red and purple. It has been like all day too!! I have not been able to do anything unless I want to listen to him scream his head off. I did go outside for fresh air and called my mom. I of course started to bawl like a baby too.

I am SO stressed out its unreal. I need so much sleep that I can’t take it anymore. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation or know someone who has?? If so, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE I beg you for some advice!!! I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have done everything that I can possibly think of to please him, comfort him. I have even tried to just let him be thinking that maybe he just needs some time to himself. NOTHING seems to be working…HELP!!!

Oh, and to top it off...Josh is working nights again...he has to be at work at 6pm and doesn't get home until anywhere between 6-8am...