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annas-momma
Age: 26
Country: US
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City: Chicago
Partner: Brandon
Children: Yes, 2
Pregnant: Not anymore
Occupation: Stay at home Momma and University of Phoenix student.
Online: More than 3 months ago
Last updated: 202 days ago.
Member since: 1513 days
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09-2-2009 - Baby Fever. A little bummed.My mood while writing this blog:
A little bummed.



Okay. This is really going to be short and to the point and probably won't even make sense to anyone who reads it because I kinda have the feeling it is going to be one big run-on sentence because I'm just so upset and a little pissed right now that I'm just kinda throwing my thoughts down as I think of them. Sorry.

As most of you know, I would like to have another baby soon. Brandon does not. At all. He has no plans of us getting pregnant again any time soon. He keeps going back and forth from waiting a year, to waiting four years. And I'm getting frustrated because our INITIAL plan was this Spring to try for baby #2. I have a list of reasons I think he doesn't want to have another yet... on top of the reasons he has given me. So here goes:

Reasons He Has Given Me:

#1. Money. Duh. Babies cost money. And my answer to that is, "No Shit." Excuse my language. But its true. However, he keeps thinking that we should be RICH to have another baby. I hate to remind him of this, but everyone struggles to SOME extent. We pay our bills on time, make rent, aren't in debt (except my college tuition bills. YIKES!), and even have left over every now and then to order pizza or something. We have a savings account. Its not HUGE, by any means, but its there and exists. He said that he wants to have $10,000 in the savings account when we have another baby. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! We don't make that kind of money!!!!!! Does he KNOW how long it will take to save that much? I'm sure he does... and thats why he picked that number. I would never, NEVER intentionally bring a baby into a bad financial situation. If I REALLY didn't think it would work COMFORTABLY on what we make now, than I wouldn't suggest it. But, my husband seems to think that we need to be rolling in money to have another.

#2. Where we live. We sold our house up in Chicago and are now renting a condo here in Florida. I am glad we are renting right now, and so is he. I don't know what we would have done if we remained homeowners up north. Although I don't like Florida itself, it was a good idea to move down here. Our condo isn't small... its a hair short of 2,000 sq. ft. and has 2 bedrooms and an office. We could ALWAYS make the office into a baby's room... although I would probably put the baby in our room while I breastfed (like I did with Anna) and then move the baby into Anna's room with her when s/he is sleeping through the night. The room is definitely big enough for 2 kids. And since we DO plan on moving back up north in the next 2-4 years... I think it would be a good idea. Brandon does NOT agree with me. He wants to buy a house down here until we move up north. He wants to move up there just as much, if not MORE, than I do... so I don't understand why he thinks that buying a house is a good idea... just to end up selling it in 4 years??? So he has that idea in his head. However, he DID say more than once that he wants to have the second baby BEFORE we move back to Chicago... so at least I have that going for me, right?

Now... onto reasons that Brandon hasn't TOLD me is why he doesn't want to have another baby yet.... but I know are there:

#1. His dad is a raging jackass. Seriously. And he would raise holy hell fire if I was pregnant again. Brandon works for his dad for his own business in plastics engineering... so his dad's business pays Brandon's salary. However, I have already calculated that Brandon would not NEED any kind of raise for us to have another kid. It would be nice, but we would NOT need it. The insurance plan wouldn't have to change. Of course, the baby would have to be added on. But I am covered for Maternity and the whole nine yards. I had a normal pregnancy with Anna, so the insurance company wouldn't have to charge extra for being at chance for me having a "high risk" pregnancy. I thought that was a good thing... but Brandon's dad would tear Brandon a new ass. And I know that Brandon would end up getting in a fight with him over it. Not that his dad has ANY room to talk. Brandon and his brother are 17 MONTHS apart and BOTH were born while he dad wasn't working and his mom was a part-time librarian. And they made it work.

#2. I think Brandon has "emotional" issues with the idea of another baby. First, because Anna was NOT planned, I think Brandon finds it "Strange" (for lack of a better word) to PLAN a baby. Like... he has this ideal image that babies aren't planned to be made, but made out of love. And although thats a really sweet idea and all and I love that my husband HAS emotions... dammit, I want to know when I have it coming! No pun intended...

Now... I can't bring myself to get pregnant on the sly. I've had the comments of "well, just poke holes in all your condoms!" or "don't let him pull out!" and stuff like that. Sorry if thats TMI for anyone. But... I just.can't.do.that....... sorry. I want him to have a say so in the matter, too.

I love my husband. I love my daughter. I love my family. But I can't help but feel like its just not complete yet. Like there is some baby waiting in some cosmic waiting room... just waiting to join our family. Does that make sense?

I know I'm probably just taking this way over the edge because the last week has been especially hard. We sorted through all our stuff to donate to Goodwill, and I pulled out my maternity dress that I wore for my baby shower. I put it in the donations box, and Brandon told me to keep it!! So, it hung there... in my closet... staring at me every time I walked in there. It was so painful to look at because I just knew I wouldn't be wearing it any time soon. And every morning when I would look at it, I would ask Brandon about another baby. And that would usually end in an argument... or him actually feeling REALLY guilty for not being ready for another yet. So not only was it emotional for ME, but for him too. So... I took it out of the closet and made a dress for Anna with the material. It felt SO GOOD to make!! I wore the dress for my baby shower when I was pregnant with her... and now she gets to wear the dress, too! That was an answer to that one. And Brandon didn't understand why I did it, but likes the little dress, too. I sorted Anna's old clothes to donate. I kept just about everything because we were going to have our babies close together in age... like Brandon and his brother. But since that isn't happening, I sorted through the newborn and baby clothes. Man.... I was an emotional TRAINWRECK!!!!!!! I bawled just about the entire time. And when I asked Brandon to go play with Anna because I didn't want her to see me sitting on her bedroom floor crying, he got real pissy with me... like I was inconviencing HIM. GAR! So, I donated some and kept some to sell on Ebay. Last night... he and I were in the office and he was on the computer and I was sorting the Ebay baby clothes. Brandon started pulling stuff out... "Keep this one. Keep that one. Don't sell this!" So he said that he wants to keep baby clothes for another baby. It was frustrating... but that stuff is just in boxes in the back of Anna's closet.

I always worry that Brandon is just waiting for the "perfect" situation to have another baby. And nothing is ever perfect. Ever. And I fear that since nothing will be up to his standards of perfect... then we will never have another baby.

I'm crazy... but I find myself on websites like Target and Babies R Us looking up prices of double strollers and diapers and stuff like that. I even make a "wish list" so I could show Brandon what it would cost in baby things we would need. He wasn't impressed. And I just felt like a nut job... obsessed with having a baby.

Its just really got me down lately and I guess I needed to get a gooooooooooood rant out about it. And I hate to say this, but I could really use some comforting words and advice on what to do... because no one except the people on this site know about my whole situation with this. And its hard to keep things secret.

Thank you!!




2 Comments on Baby Fever.


ambrielles mommy - Tuesday, 10 Feb
sweetheart, gosh I bet your the best momma ever! Seriously, your such a caring person and you seem like you have so much love to give to another little baby. I see brandon's side of the not wanting to plan part & the fact that his family will have a cow ( which is rediculous) and probably adds a lot of stress to him, but at the same time he can't keep messing with your head. I honestly don't think he means too. I think he's confused too and doens't know what he wants to do. Like you said its never going to "seem" perfect to have another baby. I would can't see myself planning one unless I was getting into my 30's and still hadn't had one. From the things you've said I think he's just nervous if he makes the decision and things get rough then he'll feel guilty for it. Seriously I think making the decision to have a child is probably the most serious decision you could make, I don't think I could make it personally. Thats why both of mine are accidents :) Maybe you could convince him that if he doesn't want to "try" or "plan" that maybe you could just not prevent. Maybe you could compromise with him on a specific time period where it would be ok for you two to stop "preventing" and not really talk about it but just see what God has in store. Maybe that is more up his alley when it comes to kids. I dont' know just a suggestion that you've probably already thought of with all the thought you have put into this. I don't know what to tell ya girl. I guess we've never been quite stable enough to even dream of planning a baby. We're finally getting there and one's already on the way sooo.....:) .....Honestly, you know I haven't been overly thrilled about this pregnancy, and you've really helped me be more possitive about it knowing that you want another baby but you aren't getting it right now. so just so you know you've help me be more possitve and feel fortunate for what I am getting :) I also just re-read what I wrote and I'm not really on anyone's side with the issue b/c its soo personal sorry if I sounded like I was defending brandon b/c I really didn't mean to. LOve ya hunny!!

R-N-E-Bump - Monday, 9 Feb
Oh my, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and that hubby doesn't understand. I know fully what it's like to desire another baby and to feel incomplete until you have one. Even now with two in the house I don't feel like our little family is complete! Thankfully I feel more content to wait this time around. But I know the desire will hit me at some point...and when it does I know it'll be insane until I'm pregnant! WOW!!! I guess I'll just pray for your hubby to be more understanding and for you to have a bit more patience. I'm quite sure things will work out eventually! :o)
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Nurseryroom

Anna`s-Room.
Theme: Little Princess.
Added: 2009, 01, 09
Number of pictures: 3

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