14-7-2008 - feeling crappy

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Not since the min I found out have I had any joy. Even before I knew I felt sick!

I find myself looking enviosly at other women who are and arnt pregnant who are happy and wondering why I have to spend my whole day in bed either sleeping or staring into space because my head is spinning. I have a cold now, great! day before I had a cold I was actually up and about and feeling better. Thats 1 day out of 3 I have felt half human for.

I am now dreading my scan next week in case i cant even pull myself together for that. Still throwing up but gotten used to that now. Its the rest that pissing me off. And i know people keep saying it will go, but will it! I cant wait till I begin to feel normal again because its an aweful long time till January to feel like this to.

today had a good cry also about how much my life had changed for the worst, how much i cant do the things i done anymore like ride my motorbike, i was on a race bike before I even knew i was pregnant and having fun. now i sit indoors no transport with my curtins shut as i cant be bothered to look outside at the pouring rain. i cant help feeling like shit, all i get is that same excuse that it will pass. I cant even clean my dam house anymore and its looking toxic looking.

I wont go on and on i just needed to get this out. I wish someone knew how I felt and have done for the last 3 months.