24-7-2008 - In to the second trimester now

My mood while writing this blog: weird

Well the first trimester was hell! before I even found out I was preg at 5 weeks I was sick and sore. Must have been the egg attaching. Then I was throwing up like it was a Guiness book of records achievment. Then I was crying, taking fits of rage, not knowing what the hell I was doing and loughing in my bed all day feeling sorry for myself and thinking i had some sort of bad disease and that pregnancy wasnt this bad. No one told me about all of that. ??

i got my scan and am confused about how far i am on now. one said 13 weeks and 6 days and the other said 13 weeks. Yeah its only 6 days but i like to fix my ticker so i dont have to wait a minute longer for it to move up a step. I almost will it to move whe looking at it to bring me closer to the date of birth so I can stop worrying. In truth I know i will worry about my child the rest of their life and mine, but when its in me its more worry just at the moment as its all new things happening. Still feeling edgy and tired. hot, bothered and weird. Felt like punching people this morning but i can control that but sticking my headphones on and listeing to music thats madder than me (if thats possible) but happy stuff.

I feel my bed calling me again as there is a magazine i had delivered with my tesco shopping here that only wants to be read in bed with some munchies that i cant be botherd to make. Should be things called pregnancy packs, you know some fruit, some solids and then some sugary stuff you can just grab, open and eat instead of standing there waiting for toast to toast under the grill because I may die of starvation waiting on that. :P

I also find myself pulling me back in my mind, I am an aweful draemer with my head in the clouds and often travel places in my head to cheer myself up. dont know where i would be without my imagination. Anyway lost track there nearly again, ok i pull myself back rom skiping on a few years and imaging me picking my lovely son/daughter up from school. And then when they are old enougvh they can come on the back of my motorbike. Obviously caution will be taken there that may not even happen but its a wee dream i have in my head. how cool, my kid running down the school drive way with him/her wee helmet in hand and gear on and hopping on to the back of a bike. All the kids would think that was cool (ok least i would have thought that was cool if i where a child maybe its dorky now lol) mummy also dosnt dress like a biker she wears normal cloths and looks like a plane jane most the time. So i hope there wont be embarassment.

anyway bakc to earth i fear going there still incase something bad happens but i am trying to stay optimistic.