18-8-2009 - Breast feeding rant

My mood while writing this blog: unknowing

I have something that I want to vent about, and if anyone has any comments/recommendations/remarks pleas let me know... I never got to BF with Trystian really cuz of the whole thing about me not producing much milk at all... like 20 ML a day... (if anyone rememembers over a year ago now when we were all just moving into the baby pages)... Well I got more info in my brain before this one was born, and at the hospital I BF round the clock whenever Atreyu opened his mouth really... Well I actually got milk in! He would eat about every hour, but he was swallowing and I could squeeze the breast and squirts would happen, and I was so happy!!! Well after 3 weeks EBF, my MIL thought he was starving since at 3 weeks he had FINALLY gotten above his birth weight... Well I was putting Trystian to bed and she stuck a bottle in his mouth and fed him 3 OZ of formula!!! He vomitted like all of it up, but anyways... I continued to EBF after that tho and yelling at her about it... But he started getting fussy around the same time each night, so on and so on... Well he was gaining weight, but slowly, so I talked to my doula and she mentioned maybe if I was worried about milk supply (since I didnt know that I was really producing enough for him... he wet and pood fine, and he actually ate at the breast, but he never really seemed satisfied except first thing in the morning) that I could use a feeding tube in the corner of his mouth and it would give him some formula and still get breast stim to hopefully produce more milk... Well we did that for a week, and then I had to start preparing for work as I would go back the week after then... I decided to introduce a bottle with formula and then pump, and give that to him the next pump session and so on and so on... Well I hadnt produced but like 30 ML during the pump, and I know he eats more than that at a feeding (as well as a pump is not good judgment as to how much milk is in the boob) but going back to work I am only allowed to pump 2 times, and for only 15 mins each time... Well For his week 5 we pretty much did formula during the day in the bottle while I pumped, and then at the end of the day I would combine all the milk and he would get that as the first bottle the next day... I would BF at night (5pm- 7am) and then bottle feed in the day (7am-5pm)... Well I am pumping 3-4 oz in the 2 pumpings durning the day and so he gets 1 breast bottle in the morning from daddy now, and then I pump all day, and he gets formula... I get home and he is all over the breast... Well I'm affraid that he isnt getting enough milk at night now as I only hear him swallow 2-4 times and then he more or less comfort sucks, and then will just smile, look at me, and continue to suck... I want to be sure that he is getting enough at night!! He still is settling down to sleep and sleeps 2-3 hours, then is up for a feeding thru out the night, so I guess he is, but I'm not sure he is completly happy... I dunno whether I just want to say I did my best and go to the bottle just for the pure fact of it's assuring to know he is eating enough, or to continue our pattern and hope that the milk supply doesnt diminish as I am under a lot of stress at work and working crasy hours sinc I'm Military and in an exercise... I dunno what I can do to increase the milk supply during the day pumps... I've tried fenugreek-- gave me gas- both ways- and just overall I didnt feel very good!! It didnt increase my milk and Trey seemed really fussy after feedings!! I'm drinking mothers milk tea, and havent seen any difference altho the tea tastes good! my doc wont prescribe me any meds (reglin or donparadon)!!!... I dont know what to do, and whethere I'm really happy going back and forth, cuz it seams that when he has formula and then I BF right after, or vice vera, he will spit up and be fussy... after he gets all BM or formula he is fine... but mix it and you have an unhappy baby... I just dont know what I want to do... Sorry for the rant, I just needed to vent really... but I dont know what to do!!!