30-11-2009 - life changing decisions

My mood while writing this blog: thoughtful

New Soul – Yael Naim Music Code

So DH and I are at a crossroads about career choices. Sorry in advance if I sound like I'm talking in a different language.. military abbrieviations and terms can seem foriegn if you're not living the lifestyle.

My husband, my lovely husband has spent his whole adult life in the army. He graduated HS early and joined at the age of 17 in 2001.. just a month before 9/11 happened. His basic training was cut short and was one of the first groups to deploy. He deployed once to Afghanistan, and once to Iraq before I met him. When I met him he was on recruiting duty in Houston and had just gotten back from Iraq a few months prior. And NO he did not try to recruit me when we met!! LOL... everyone jokes about me being married to my recruiter. We actually met off myspace, met, and hit it off really well right away. I was 18 and he was 22... we moved in together shortly after and became engaged 6 months after meeting.. became pregnant a few months later.. got married a year+2months after dating. I was around 8 weeks pregnant when we got married but miscarried at 11 weeks. We were not ttc and yes a miscarriage is tragic and life changing but we felt it was for the best at that time in our lives.. At that time I decided I wanted to try out this whole army thing for myself so I joined.. and YES my husband was my recruiter! Hahaha.. anyways, joined, went to basic and AIT and then we both came up on orders to Ft.Campbell where we've been ever since.. We unexpectedly became pregnant with Garrett the month we moved here and DH deployed to Afghanistan when I was about 12 weeks pregnant. When your a soldier and your pregnant you are given the option of getting out of the army. I was working a good 11-12 hour day and finally at 8.5 months pregnant I broke down and told my NCO's that I wanted to get out.. I felt it was too much.. DH would be deployed until the baby was 6 months old and with me working as much as it was I didn't feel I could be the type of mom I wanted to be. Plus my leadership was AWFUL and would do things out of spite so the whole situation was just overwhelming and I wanted out. Well obviously I got out. It was probably the best decision ever. I don't regret it whatsoever because I've had the privelege of watching my baby grow into a handsome little toddler and I've seen and experienced all his "firsts"... I didn't think I would enjoy being a mom so much. I never was a baby person.. I'm still not. Unless I know you then I don't really care to OOO and AWW over your baby. lol... So anyways, now that you have all my background info and your still reading.. (lol)

DH is tired. very tired of what he does. He loves the army but both of us are feeling the pressures of the constant deployments, early wake up calls, 24 hour duty, and LONG days. He easily works a 12 hour day. He and I both thought he'd be the type of guy to do at least 20 years and retire out of the army. He'd only be 37 when he retired out. We've been talking alot about plans and what would the best decision be for our situation right now and for a while we decided him getting out and trying this whole civilian thing might be fun and different. He deserves a break from the army, ya know? So his ETS date is August 2011 and we were dead set on him getting out, moving back home to Houston, TX, and figuring out a new career choice along the way. Well of course with this whole economy crap going on he's been talking to alot of his friends back home, other soldiers that he knows who have recently gotten out and they're all telling him to stay in because there's nothing out there.. jobwise. Which is true.. right now it sucks trying to find a job and blah blah blah.. but it's just really making us think about all of our options and I hate not knowing what our plans are.. I really hate getting set and use to one idea and then all of a sudden he changes his mind. Along with all that.. he's suggesting it wouldn't be such a bad idea for me to go back in.. Reserves this time. I wanted to go reserves when I got out the first time but he told me not to do anything. At the time he was deployed and didn't want another recruiter talking to me alone and screwing up my contract which I totally understand. He says if I join the reserves then he's definitely staying in. If I join, I have to join a minimum of 6 years so a deployment in my future would be very possible. Personally I wouldn't mind a deployment for the experience but as a mom it's hard to think of the possibility of being away that long from Garrett. I guess moms/soldiers do it everyday though. My reasons for joining: School benefits.. I really want to get back into school fulltime starting this next fall. I want a career in pharmacy as a Pharmacist so that means I have between 4-6 years of school left not counting my 2 years I already have... The army's school benefits and GI bill are awesome.. I also really miss being a soldier.. just like being a mom.. it can really suck at times but it's so rewarding and makes you proud to wear the uniform.

So at the moment.. DH says if I join he'll stay in. If I join, I'll join in April. Not sure what we'll decide but a big part of me misses being apart of something really big and is afraid if I don't do this then I'll never get back in school and finish what I started because of money... not sure what this means for our plans to TTC.. maybe we'll still try after april.. maybe not. If I join in April and DH deploys in July or August then I'll be non-deployable for that year he is gone. He comes home, we get pregnant then and I'll be non-deployable again throughout my pregnancy + 6 months after the baby is born. So idk.

OMG, if your still reading this than I commend you for reading this long ass blog. LOL... I've just got alot on my mind lately.. lots to think about and it helps to get those thoughts sorted and on to the screen for me the weigh the pros and cons. Thanks for listening.