22-2-2009 - Too much, too soon......

My mood while writing this blog: Defeated....

Why when you having everything do you feel the need to moan about it????????

Don't think I'm not grateful for my current circumstances, but things are starting to give some what......

We should be moving house on Friday, but it's all up in the air cause the Solicitors are dragging their feet - so we unsure what is going to happen. We are all packed and ready to go but having to chase people each and everyday to try and desperately get somewhere. I am a obsessive organiser, so alot of this does fall on my shoulders, partly casue Rich isn't on top of things like I am, partly as I don't let him have a look in.Obviously I am almost 4 months pregnant - hormones raging. I felt Tiny Eric wiggling loads last week, and the last few days he/she has gone a bit quiet - I keep worrying theres something wrong....but in my heart I know the baby is fine. Ash has had runny poo's since Thursday, and I'm worried sick about him for no apparent reason - in my heart I know its teething or something daft as he's fine otherwise, eating, laughing, playing etc. I'm taking him to the Doctor's tomorrow, not because I'm worried, but because I'd feel irresponsible otherwise. Last Monday I found out a close friends Dad had died - known the family since I was 16, so I'm off to a funeral next week too (Not complaining, its 1,000,000 times worse for them than me no doubt about it!)

I felt as though I was going to have a panic attack tonight (1st time in YEARS), just everything was getting to me. I've spent the last week a bag of nerves and feeling worse than I have done for years. I just want to cry loads and feel like I'm crap at everything, motherhood, work, the lot. I just wish I could find something to make myself feel better. I just feel defeated right now. I hate to sound like a spolit brat, but really need to get things off my chest a bit. I'm such a lucky, lucky, lucky girl. I don't want my 'madness' (pre-disposition to depression and anxiety) to get the better of me - I've been off med's and 'well' for about 5 years now, but get so scared when it rears its ugly head even slightly. On top of all this I'm worried sick what all this stress must be doing to Eric cause I know how bad it is for a baby....but I'm worrying about that too! I don't want to kill my baby!!!!!! LOL!!!!! HELP!!!!!I know I'm only human, but need to put things in prespective a bit.

Any hints and tips for me to chill out ladies?????????