01-7-2008 - My midwife appointment

My mood while writing this blog: Excited

WARNING_____I am all over the place in this blog, try to follow me, I get like this when Im excited.

So....I went to my midwife appointment yesterday, it was just a Meet-and-Greet but I got to meet her and the doctor that she practices with....

(If you dont know me already:::::I watched "The Business of Being Born" and within 20 minutes of starting it, I was Googling everything that I could about home births, now...I live with my Mother because my husband is gone to Texas for Military training until the end of August and so Im kinda alone right now going to appointments and stuff...In the video, they go over all of the drugs that the hospitals use and effects of those drugs, the choices that we, as pregnant women dont think that we have, insurance and soo many other things...I was TOTALLY hooked and wanted to do this...for the record..Im not doing a home birth...not at my moms house, she has 3 dogs and 3 cats and I just dont see it as being clean enough...anyways........)

So....my husband is not with me on the Midwife issue, he says that women have been having babies at hospitals for "hundreds of years", lol. OK...he is scared, and I understand that...its unknown and scary because he knows nothing about it...he probably thinks that a midwife is some old hag who is dirty and delivers your baby, whatever....she was NOT. She has a Masters Degree, she was clean (!!), she was in the military and was a midwife with them and she has delivered sooo many babies in her time, she was VERY knowledgeable in her field and I trust her. I want a midwife, a birthing tub, a peaceful and calm way to bring my child into the world naturally (if my situation allows) and my husband wants a doctor...in a hospital...with medicine available in case somehting were to happen or I was in too much pain...which I understand! So....I found this midwife....who delivers in a birthing tub....at a hospital....and works DIRECTLY with this doctor...(who was awesome, older, has 35 years experience delivering babies, I REALLY liked him too)...I thought...SWEET, my husband will be all over this, we BOTH get what we want. But hes STILL not okay with it. Im BUMMED!!!

Normally, Im the type of person who, once I find something that Im interested in, Im all over it...without necessarily doing any research on the subject. NOT WITH THIS. I have watched videos on homebirths, natural births, hospital births, water births, I have checked out NUMEROUS websites on all of the above, read peoples comments here on this website, I seriously had 4 PAGES of questions to go to this midwife with....(which I posted many of in the midwife portion of this website....), and Im going tomorrow to meet with another place to find out even more information on what Im doing. I feel that for the first time in my life I feel SO strongly about somehting...I have waited this long to have a baby, and I have stayed far far away from them until now because I didnt WANT to want one until I was ready....NOT THAT I AM!!! But..Im 25 and compared to having one at 16, 18, 19..or earlier...I feel better that I waited this long. I feel that I have it....I can do it...and I know that there is a very good chance that things will possibly not work in my favor, things can happen, he can go breech, there could be complications, but thats what being at the hospital is for, and thats what finding a midwife who knows what she can and cannot handle is good for. I feel confident in my decision and that THIS IS WHAT I WANT.

I am going to sit down and talk to my husband tonight, I am going to lay it all out for him, the good, the bad, take questions, give answers and have my shit together, I need to find the strength to not cry when I talk to him, I want him to UNDERSTAND why I want to do this, why I feel so passionate about it...etc etc.

OK..Im done, Im sure Im forgetting sooo much that I had originally planned to talk about but thats okay. I hope that it works out for me.