28-10-2008 - So disappointed

My mood while writing this blog: bummed, happy, sad, unsure

I should be happy right now, Ill see my baby in no more than 2 days. But Im not...

I knew that it COULD possibly come down to something like this...but I still never thought that it would....

Im now a week and a day overdue, I had an ultrasound yesterday and after having a horrible morning the doctor said that the placenta was in the middle stages of deteriorating, you could see all of the calcification on it, and that I needed to have a baby in the next few days. That was good news at the time cause I want him out just as much as they do!

Then, we went to see my Midwife, the Dr. had called her already so she knew what was going on...by the way, my normal Dr is off until Monday, this is a Dr friend of his, convenient...she had a very serious look on her face and when Jason and I went in to talk to her she was serious about getting the baby out. He has plenty of fluids, which was good, but she said that soon he will begin to suffer because of the placenta. She checked me again and Im STILL only a fingertip dialted, same as last Monday, I have had a few contractions, more came last night but they stopped when I got up...I didnt want them to stop, I have today and tomorrow until 9pm to do this on my own.

To get me started they are using Cytotec, its a tiny little pill that they put directly on the cervix, I go in at 9pm and they are going to put it in me and hope that it works overnight to soften me up and give me contractions....I feel powerless now, I trust my Midwife and Ive struggled to get Jason to do the same and he now has come to the point that he absolutely loves her and also trusts her, as well as the Dr that we see so by HER saying that this is what we should do, hes down for it.

But....I emailed my Doula when I got home last night and this is what she wrote back to me...

"two things. Make them schedule an induction first thing in the morning, after you have had a full nights rest. I do not recommend an induction at nine at night. You will be super sleepy after a few hours!! Do NOT let them use cytotec. I am in shock Becky would allow this. It is NOT FDA approved for inductions. It is a stomach medicine that has warnings all over it not to be used for inductions. Pitocin and or cervadil are a MUCH safer option. Trust me on this one. I hear it needs done. Do not let them use cytotec. Do a google search. It is awful stuff. It has killed women and babies. Again I am absolutely shocked Becky would support this. I am in your corner girl! You can do this"

Now, you see, I am a little stressed. Terrfiied actually.

Im too scared to Google Cytotec and Jason is now super pissed that Kylene would say the above. I know that she was only trying to help by informing me but I showed him the email, not thinking that he would be that mad. Hes going to call the Midwifes office and tell her what Kylene said, hes so mad!

I dont feel like I have any options now....I felt so strong before and now Im scared. I had a plan, I thought that it was a good plan and like I said, I knew that it could change and was trying hard to accept it before it happened...I guess I never got there. Im already depressed.

Someone please say something to me............