| aussiegirl80 | |
| aussiegirl80 has 200 days to go and is now in week 11 | |
 | Age: 29 Country: AU Province/region: City: Partner: Yes Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 10 Jun ,2010 Occupation: |
| Online: 3 hours ago. Last updated: 11 days ago. Member since: 273 days | |
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This is my first blog, and I think I am doing it to see if it helps me to move on.... Ok, so I had my D&C on the 21 Feb, I was 12w4d but I had a blighted ovum which ment that there was just a big empty sac (10 week sac) on the screen when I went in for my ultrasound :( I have never felt so devistated, and just turned into a mess . Some days I feel like I am coping well, but others aren't as good. The other night I felt pretty sorry for myself and kept thinking 'I should be 16 weeks soon' and I just kept seeing the empty screen in my mind. I just feel like every waking moment I think about the baby I lost or about getting pregnant again. When the girls I work with complain about their lives because they can't afford $200 on the shoes they want or something stupid like that, I feel like shouting ' I DON'T CARE, AT LEAST YOU HAVENT JUST LOST A BABY' I feel like I am obsessed with becoming pregnant again, and I just want it to happen NOW! I want another baby so much it hurts. I thank the powers that be so much for my daughter, I feel like I am letting her down by being upset and I try not to let her see it, but the other day she drew me a picture of our family and a baby in my tummy and she said, 'you will be happy again mummy when there is a new baby in your tummy' (we told her about the pregnancy a few days earlier, since I was at 12weeks). So that's my rant, I hope that all of us who are ttc after a loss will get our BFP's soon, anyone who has had a miscarriage or loss of a child, my heart goes out to you..... I hate that anyone has to experience anything like this.
3 Comments on I need to get this off my mind!
firsttimer - Monday, 16 Mar
Oh love I really feel for you. I've been there. *hug* If you feel up to it go read my blogs when I was going through mine, you'll see that what you are feeling is so normal. But that doesn't make it any less hard. From what I remember I felt a desperate need to be pregnant again as quickly as possible after my first miscarriage. I got pregnant again within two months and was delighted, only to lose my baby again. At this point, due to various reasons, the doctors put me on a testing period of six months in which I was not allowed to get pregnant. I experienced the strongest emotions I have ever had in the first few months of the testing period. Month one and two after my miscarriage I could think of nothing else. I was absolutely desperate to get pregnant again. It consumed me and I really struggled. Once I reached Month three it seemed to lessen a bit and by month four I was 'getting back to normal'. This lead me to believe that my body, following the miscarriage, still thought it was pregnant, and I continued to feel pregnant. By month three it was as if the hormones and emotions had settled down and I was able to move on a bit. So in my experience it is very true that time is a 'good' healer (you note I don't say great). But I know it doesn't help just now to say that things will get easier. That doesn't help you today. Please think about taking some time off of your work. My family had to plead with me to do this, because it's not something I do easily, but it really, really helped. Just having time to cry and grieve for your baby is so important. I can't say I'm doing great yet, but I am doing better than I was. But it's taken an awful long time to get here. I am now trying for a baby again, and am frightened that it might happen again. But as I keep saying - that's why miscarriage is so cruel, the only way you are gonna know if you are having another is to let yourself get pregnant again, and open up your heart to that hurt. Please, please blog as often as you need too. We KNOW how you feel. I promise you that, and nothing you say will be too weird, or scary or awful. I honestly want to hug you right now and I'm sorry that I can't. I hope you are having a better day today. xx
ryleighsmom - Sunday, 15 Mar
I feel for you, and understand what you are going through. I find it helps to blog, whether anyone reads it or not, it feels good to get your feelings down, it is like a release for me, and a great coping mechanism. I am in the process of losing my baby right now...and I already can't wait to start trying again. I want a sibling for my son as well...though it must have been tough having just told your daughter, I hadn't told my son, so all he knows is mommy isnt feeling well...Please keep blogging, it does help...and know you have a network of friends who can relate when it seems as if nobody else can.
Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting another baby so bad, when I have already been blesses with my son, and there are so many out there that can't even have one, but the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants another baby so badly...good luck ttc...and I am praying for you...
pinkmama - Sunday, 15 Mar
i know exactly what you mean.. i found out i was going to have a miscarriage when i was 10 weeks.. but the baby only measured 5. i went that whole time, thinking everything was ok- and it wasnt.. i find myself CONSTANTLY thinking about it, and if its not that, im thinking of when we can start trying again. i have the most wonderful little boy who i am forever grateful for, but i wanted him to be a big brother so bad. if you ever want to talk, message me-- none of my friends have been through this, so its not like i can call anyone up to have a rant session.. i'm here if you need me =o)
Amber
| 15-3-2009 - I need to get this off my mind! |  My mood while writing this blog:I feel like i am lossing the plot! |
This is my first blog, and I think I am doing it to see if it helps me to move on.... Ok, so I had my D&C on the 21 Feb, I was 12w4d but I had a blighted ovum which ment that there was just a big empty sac (10 week sac) on the screen when I went in for my ultrasound :( I have never felt so devistated, and just turned into a mess . Some days I feel like I am coping well, but others aren't as good. The other night I felt pretty sorry for myself and kept thinking 'I should be 16 weeks soon' and I just kept seeing the empty screen in my mind. I just feel like every waking moment I think about the baby I lost or about getting pregnant again. When the girls I work with complain about their lives because they can't afford $200 on the shoes they want or something stupid like that, I feel like shouting ' I DON'T CARE, AT LEAST YOU HAVENT JUST LOST A BABY' I feel like I am obsessed with becoming pregnant again, and I just want it to happen NOW! I want another baby so much it hurts. I thank the powers that be so much for my daughter, I feel like I am letting her down by being upset and I try not to let her see it, but the other day she drew me a picture of our family and a baby in my tummy and she said, 'you will be happy again mummy when there is a new baby in your tummy' (we told her about the pregnancy a few days earlier, since I was at 12weeks). So that's my rant, I hope that all of us who are ttc after a loss will get our BFP's soon, anyone who has had a miscarriage or loss of a child, my heart goes out to you..... I hate that anyone has to experience anything like this.
3 Comments on I need to get this off my mind!
firsttimer - Monday, 16 Mar
Oh love I really feel for you. I've been there. *hug* If you feel up to it go read my blogs when I was going through mine, you'll see that what you are feeling is so normal. But that doesn't make it any less hard. From what I remember I felt a desperate need to be pregnant again as quickly as possible after my first miscarriage. I got pregnant again within two months and was delighted, only to lose my baby again. At this point, due to various reasons, the doctors put me on a testing period of six months in which I was not allowed to get pregnant. I experienced the strongest emotions I have ever had in the first few months of the testing period. Month one and two after my miscarriage I could think of nothing else. I was absolutely desperate to get pregnant again. It consumed me and I really struggled. Once I reached Month three it seemed to lessen a bit and by month four I was 'getting back to normal'. This lead me to believe that my body, following the miscarriage, still thought it was pregnant, and I continued to feel pregnant. By month three it was as if the hormones and emotions had settled down and I was able to move on a bit. So in my experience it is very true that time is a 'good' healer (you note I don't say great). But I know it doesn't help just now to say that things will get easier. That doesn't help you today. Please think about taking some time off of your work. My family had to plead with me to do this, because it's not something I do easily, but it really, really helped. Just having time to cry and grieve for your baby is so important. I can't say I'm doing great yet, but I am doing better than I was. But it's taken an awful long time to get here. I am now trying for a baby again, and am frightened that it might happen again. But as I keep saying - that's why miscarriage is so cruel, the only way you are gonna know if you are having another is to let yourself get pregnant again, and open up your heart to that hurt. Please, please blog as often as you need too. We KNOW how you feel. I promise you that, and nothing you say will be too weird, or scary or awful. I honestly want to hug you right now and I'm sorry that I can't. I hope you are having a better day today. xx
ryleighsmom - Sunday, 15 Mar
I feel for you, and understand what you are going through. I find it helps to blog, whether anyone reads it or not, it feels good to get your feelings down, it is like a release for me, and a great coping mechanism. I am in the process of losing my baby right now...and I already can't wait to start trying again. I want a sibling for my son as well...though it must have been tough having just told your daughter, I hadn't told my son, so all he knows is mommy isnt feeling well...Please keep blogging, it does help...and know you have a network of friends who can relate when it seems as if nobody else can.
Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting another baby so bad, when I have already been blesses with my son, and there are so many out there that can't even have one, but the heart wants what it wants, and mine wants another baby so badly...good luck ttc...and I am praying for you...
pinkmama - Sunday, 15 Mar
i know exactly what you mean.. i found out i was going to have a miscarriage when i was 10 weeks.. but the baby only measured 5. i went that whole time, thinking everything was ok- and it wasnt.. i find myself CONSTANTLY thinking about it, and if its not that, im thinking of when we can start trying again. i have the most wonderful little boy who i am forever grateful for, but i wanted him to be a big brother so bad. if you ever want to talk, message me-- none of my friends have been through this, so its not like i can call anyone up to have a rant session.. i'm here if you need me =o)
Amber
Photos
Children
Latest blogs
29-10-2009 - First Ultrasound
04-10-2009 - 9 BFP's!!!
20-8-2009 - feeling bitter
22-7-2009 - update
15-7-2009 - please not again
03-7-2009 - Waiting for my first ultrasound
23-6-2009 - scared
18-6-2009 - YIPPEE!!!
02-6-2009 - cross roads
24-5-2009 - doctor\'s appt today
15-4-2009 - 2 week wait....
29-3-2009 - Getting ready to try again..
25-3-2009 - What would you do?
15-3-2009 - I need to get this off my mind!
29-10-2009 - First Ultrasound
04-10-2009 - 9 BFP's!!!
20-8-2009 - feeling bitter
22-7-2009 - update
15-7-2009 - please not again
03-7-2009 - Waiting for my first ultrasound
23-6-2009 - scared
18-6-2009 - YIPPEE!!!
02-6-2009 - cross roads
24-5-2009 - doctor\'s appt today
15-4-2009 - 2 week wait....
29-3-2009 - Getting ready to try again..
25-3-2009 - What would you do?
15-3-2009 - I need to get this off my mind!
Agenda