22-7-2009 - update

My mood while writing this blog: at peace

I am offically having my second miscarriage for this year. I started spotting on monday and by Wednesday it was like a normal period. Exept for the contractions which come in waves like in labor but so far it isn't anything I can't handle with only a hot water bottle and some Nurofen Plus. But the bleeding seems to come and go, it isn't a continual flow like a menstral period which has me a little concerned that it will indeed get worse but I am keeping my fingers crossed. My doctor said that my numbers are falling very very quickly which I guess is a good thing. I am not sure what my numbers were prior to the ultrasound with no heart beat, but on Friday they were 3852 (pretty low anyway), 3224 on Monday then only 1000 on Wednesday which is a big drop. I will have to have a D&C if I don't stop bleeding by next week, and I am hoping that I won't have to do that.

I don't know if we will ttc again. We have a beautiful daughter who will be 5 soon, and I can't describe how lucky I feel to have her. Like my Husband says, If we can only have one, at least we have the best one :) And now that she is a bit older, we would like to do some travelling with her and just in general move on to the next step in our lives. I am also up for a promotion at work, a position that I have been working towards for the past 11 years which will give me a lot more freedom to be flexible and do the whole school mum thing!

Thank you to everyone who has given me support during the past 7 months through what has been the most difficult of my life. I will pop in from time to time to see how everyone is. For my friends who are pregnant, have a happy and healthy pregnancy. For those still ttc, sticky baby dust to you all.

Thursday 23 July 2009

Tonight I have miscarried my Angel. ( beware this is tmi and more for my own reading) I feel so lucky that I have been able to see my precious baby. I delivered the sac at about 7pm tonight. It was about 4 cm and the baby was about 1cm. I could see a perfect little baby with little arm and leg buds and I will never forget it. Perfect in every way. I am sad that I will never get to see this baby grow up, but for some reason I feel like my baby is watching over me and telling me that everything will be ok.