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07-4-2009 - 31 weeks and counting

My mood while writing this blog: anxious

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Ok. So I'm now heading towards 31 weeks. By my calculations, my changeover day is Wednesdays but, somewhere along the lines, the doctors moved it to Fridays. Why is it that two days seem to make all the difference??

I have to admit, I never expected the pregnancy to be this difficult so early on. I mean... I know I've reached 31 weeks (don't argue with me now), but we're hoping to get to 37. That's six whole weeks. Already, I'm in pain most of the time. I never sleep more than two hours at a stretch. If I do anything physical at all (eg grocery shopping today), I feel like a baby is going to fall out of my bottom. Too much information, I know, but that's how it is. My hips are constantly hurting, my back is hurting and I have haemorrhoids. (Did anyone mention too much information?)

Not to mention my poor family. I am short tempered, completely lacking in mobility and utterly incapable of keeping the house in any form of acceptable hygienic standard. I am a horrible mother (my daughter is 4 and my son is 2); the children cannot possibly understand why I am constantly shouting at them. It's breaking my heart (and probably theirs) but I can't seem to control it.

And you know what else? Isn't it funny how we look towards the delivery date and expect relief will come? If my past experience is anything to go by, delivery, although bringing some form of physical relief, will be followed by emotional highs and lows, sleepless nights, constant uncertainty and self-doubt... not to mention a good dose of physical self-loathing because I've put on so much weight throughout the pregnancy. AND THIS TIME, I'M HAVING TWO BABIES!!

I just feel so totally overwhelmed, under-qualified and, quite honestly, terrified... that I wonder why I ever wanted this in the first place. What was I thinking???

Having said all of this... I know that the second I hold these tiny boys in my arms, all will be forgotten (mostly). I think the thing is... with pregnancy, there's no reward. When they're here, they'll stare up at me, with those big eyes and pouty lips... and my cup of love will overfloweth. I'll only need to look down on them as they sleep (assuming that happens every now and then) and be reminded of the miracles I have created.

I hope.

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1 Comments on 31 weeks and counting


tookatie29 - Tuesday, 7 Apr
You just took the words right out of my mouth. These will be my first, but all the things you're experiencing are what I am feeling too. I am embarrassed for people to come in my house and my husband isn't much help in that arena right now. I've not been able to work for a month so I lay around and complain about the pain. I'm 32 weeks tomorrow, and my doc really hasn't said how long he'd like me to go-- he said 36 weeks is full term and he wont go past 38, but we haven't discussed when........... I dont have another US until next week and doc isn't going to check my cervix until 34 weeks. AAAARGH! I keep telling myself its almost over, but I know that it'll be a different kind of stress and difficulty when the boys are here.

Just hang in there-- at least the painful part is almost over. and thank god for this website, I dont know what I would do without the support.