06-12-2011 - tra la la la la la la...

My mood while writing this blog: life goes on

So much has happened since the last time I updated this...

Tyrus and I are still together and doing ok. Much to my surprise actually. I haven't spent much time on here because I was tired of having nothing but complaints. And during the first 2 years of Logan's life that didn't change much when it came to my relationship. We have lived in 4 different places since Logan arrived. The unfinished trailer lasted almost 5 months and then baby got mobile. The unfinished trailer is still just that and he pays for it every month. He was angry that "i made him move" out of the trailer. I was angry that he then decided he didn't have to pay for anything at the apartment. A lot of long tension filed months passed that way. All while we both tried to never let the little man know anything was ever wrong. We both do always have what's best for him first in our minds and I never doubt that about Ty. But there is a very fine line in that when you feel like paying bills goes with that... And I firmly believe that if you can't come together on finances you're just not going to be able to make the rest of your lives work together. However you make it work is fine as long as there is an agreement that you stick to.

I just couldn't afford to support the brunt of all of us anymore. So I made it apparent that I was not going to and he was welcome to go if that's what he continuously expects. Then after a huge blow up the night before Logan's 2nd birthday party and not speaking for the next 3 days we finally just talked. Everything was laid out and some compromising was done on both sides. The last few weeks since then have been good so all I can do is see what happens over time. I have said a million times that I believe Logan's happiness is worth every little ounce I can put in to make this work. I have been close to my limit quite a few times but when I see that child smiling, playing with his Dad, and then running over and asking to snuggle with me I have a hard time giving up quite yet. I do love his Dad after all, no matter how frustrated I get and don't really want to do this without him. But I felt like I was doing it alone with him therefore I had 2 kids and a dog. ;)

So we will see where life takes us. We're doing well right now, the holidays are here, my little sister just got engaged and we have a wedding to plan! We also found a great old farm house to rent, hopefully for a few years, in a school district we don't mind. So if Logan happens to start school while we're here that's not going to be an issue.

Speaking of Logan... he is such an amazing kid! He's so sweet and lovey yet ALL boy too. He has some verbs mixed up but puts sentences together really well these days! He's very good at telling you just what he wants and how he feels. He goes to daycare all week right now but next week he'll go 3 days a week until the spring. I would love to be home more with him but I do cherish our weekends. Ty is usually working all weekend so we keep busy without him. We have breakfast with my family every Saturday, we snuggle and watch movies, we play with his favorite toys (Lightning McQueen and Mater of course) and we have fun! I love him and I am so happy to be his Mom!

Who knows, maybe things will go well and we'll have another one in a couple years. For now things are getting better, we're happy and that's what matters most to me. In all honesty I feel like I lucked out with him and the great little person that he is becoming and I may really be pushing my luck trying to have another little one! But I can't imagine not giving him the oppurtunity to have what I have with my little sister for himself one day either. Time will tell.

Congrats to all you girls who have had more, are trying for more or recently revealed they're expecting! That is so very exciting!!!