baby bake oven's I-am-pregnantblog

baby bake oven
	Age: 31 Country: US Province/region: Pennsylvania City: North Coventry Partner: Tyrus Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: No Occupation: Pharma QC but wishing to be a stay home mom
	Online: 8 days ago. Last updated: 79 days ago. Member since: 1080 days
\| Profile \| Photos (66) \| Children (2) \| Blog (21) \| Polls (0) \| Agenda (18) \| Comments added (6) \| Notepad

Members

Write a new blog

01-4-2009 - My Mother.....

My mood while writing this blog:
Completely annoyed

I love my Mom. We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our 29 years together. But she is still my Mom and always will be.

I asked 2 things of my mother when I told her I was pregnant…

1 – Please don’t tell anyone yet…

2 – She is absolutely not allowed to buy ANYTHING until we are at least 16 weeks in, if not 20 weeks.

Seemed pretty reasonable to me… I didn’t want her telling anyone because I wanted to make sure things were okay before we started telling everyone and I hadn’t even told the father yet since he was across the country.

Well my mother took it upon herself to tell her friends at work, my grandmother and my favorite Aunt within 10 minutes of me telling her. And within a week of that the rest of my family knew. And within a few days of that her entire department at work knew. I have repeatedly asked her to STOP telling people. And almost every day I get an email from someone else who my mother has just informed. I am so thoroughly annoyed with her right now. I understand that she is excited, so am I. ALL the more reason I should be the one to announce to our entire family that I’m expecting. Especially my cousins with whom I am friends aside from family!!! But I don’t get the joy of telling them that I am pregnant and seeing how excited everyone is. I get to hear from my Mom about how happy everyone is for me. I don’t get to see that smile on my grandmother’s face when I tell her a new generation is on their way. My grandmother is extremely proud of the 31 lives she has helped make in this world and loves when we just keep adding on. I wish I could have been the one to make her smile. My cousin Phil is one of my very best friends ever, and I got a text message from him congratulating me on the baby. Because my mother apparently decided to take it upon herself to get everyone’s number and just start calling the all. Why would she take that from me? I don’t understand… I don’t care how excited she is. I’m pretty sure I’m the one having my first successful pregnancy and I’m feeling slightly more excited than she is.

She has also started buying things and arguing with me about it. If she has any sense wouldn’t she just buy it all and not tell me about it? Stop calling me to tell me what you bought! Grrrrrrrr

She also feels that there is no reason she shouldn’t be the one to come with me to my ultrasounds, but she will be content with at least going to just 1 of them. She also wants to go to my monthly exams too. She says that things are just so different than when she had her kids. I get that, but she has already had her kids! This is our baby, our FIRST baby!! Why wouldn’t she be content with the fact that the father of my child wants to be there and doing these things with me? And she doesn’t understand why she can’t be in the delivery room either.

Can you really blame me for not wanting my mother in there at this point, aside from the fact that my Mother and I have not been close like that in many years?

Am I over reacting? Am I being selfish? Am I just completely hormonal?

7 Comments on My Mother.....

Pretty Britty - Tuesday, 14 Apr
I am from week 12, but I read your blog and can sympathize COMPLETELY! I am close to my biological mother, HOWEVER.... my mother-in-law has me to the point that I want to cut all ties!! When we announced we were pregnant, we didn't get a word of response back-- not congrats, not a hug, not even a smile. It was devastating. Later when my husband called her and asked why she wasn't happy for us, she said, " why should I be?-- your wife is just going to use this new baby as a pawn against me, just like your other daughter". She has a firm belief that I am withholding the baby from her side of the family, which is not true. On the other hand, she has talked so badly about me behind my back to my husband, that I just simply don't trust her with my children alone. It has gotten to the point of almost threatening behavior, and she has resorted to manipulation to try to get her "time alone with my baby". My daughter just got an easter card from her (my daughter is 1yr btw).... and in the corner it reads, "grandma put $20 in your piggy bank at her house to spend later"..... talk about manipulation!

I am sharing my story with you because I too feel major stress over impeding family members. I think you are completely justified in feeling the way you do, and the only thing I can suggest is to set your boundaries early and DON'T budge from them. It's a training process, but the idea is that sooner or later everyone will learn what they can/cannot do. Once the baby arrives, you'll need these boundaries to maintain your personal family life and sanity!!!

JK8488 - Friday, 10 Apr
I think that you have every right to be mad that she told everyone. I know that at work it is like a viris you tell one person and everyone knows.

As for the ultrasound I know that they allowed both my mom and ex-husband in to see. Delivery is a personal preferance but I was glad to have my mom of all people there with me

Maybe she is trying to make up for a small part of the past. My mom and I don't always (almost never)see eye to eye.
Sorry to hear what happend and congragulations

expecting-2b-patient (Cheryl) - Thursday, 2 Apr
You have every right to feel how you do! Your Mother needs to realize that this isn't about her, it's about you and the father! This is YOUR time to shine and probably the last time in your life where it is all about YOU! That is the part I can't wait for, is telling people I'm pregnant and seeing their face. I can't believe she took that from you! You're very emotional right now, and maybe if your Mom saw how much this is upsetting you she'll back down..?? Tell her how this is stressing you and "making you sick" maybe if you fib a little and let her know it's effecting your health she'll back off to make sure you and your baby are healthy... well good luck hun, hopefully venting through the blog helped a little too!

foxitiger76 (Jill) - Wednesday, 1 Apr
I'm sure we all have our moments of getting worked up over things, I know I do constantly. But, I agree that your mom shouldn't take or attempt to take control over the situation. It is your news to share with the world and she has no right to steal your "thunder".

I wish my mom was a fraction as excited as your mom. She didn't talk to me for over a week and said we were ruining our lives.

JenPrice883 - Wednesday, 1 Apr
I know the feeling on that. Me and my mother haven't been close for years. But she's very close to my younger sister who's only 2 years younger than me. Sad to say but I think she was one of the last ones that we told that we are expecting. Theres been so much heartache with her, I really don't care if she knew I was going into labor. One of my other sisters have Cerebral Palys, well she had a seizure a few weeks ago....I had to find out from a friend that my sis had that seizure. So her not telling me things, we r not gonna tell her I am going into labor when the time comes. Let her find out from friends!! Buying things arent bad....shoo that gives u less to buy LOL. But the whole telling everyobody...yeah that would bother me too. Sorry you have to go thru that. Just think....You and Ur Hubby are gonna be the FIRST ones seeing that little bundle of joy born...NOT HER!! Good Luck girl...don't let it stress u out, its not good for the baby!

brendalee - Wednesday, 1 Apr
Ughh..I know how that feels. My sister had a miscarrige the day before I found out I was pregnant...so I wanted to hold off on telling my family and just told a couple friends and told them strictly do not tell ANYONE.
Well one of them went behind my back and told my dad as soon as she got off the phone with me.

Mrs. Joiner - Wednesday, 1 Apr
aww man that sucks.... I grew up with my grandmother and having my mom suddenly rush full force back into my life for the first time since childhood is a little unnerving for everyone...
I think that you need to have a heart to heart about this with your mother.... If you weren't close I would handle this very differently then you would figure...
I would first off ask her why this baby would be any different than the first one from when you were 16 and why she thinks that she has the right to take the father's place and that she is being very selfish... I could go on and on but it would be a lot of drama..... if it gets too bad, dont speak to her until she changes her ways...
Good Luck!

Photos