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29-7-2009 - Im good at worrying

My mood while writing this blog: Awake

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Since the day she was born I worried about her through the night, I still do! I stay up late checking her breathing, I dont sleep well because of it and have a hard time getting it out of my head. I pray everynight for her. I feel like Im the only one that worries this much. Its a lot worse when my husband is gone on duty days (when he has to stay on the ship overnight, every 8thday) He is gone tonight and he is what calms me down and makes me feel a little better about things. Just dont know how to shake this or to just believe she will be ok. Im exhausted from staying awake till 12 or 1am and waking at 6am. I cant afford the angel monitor and my hubby would think Im crazy for buying it if we could afford it. Im running out of energy during the day. I just wish there was a dr to tell me "she will be fine" I guess this really all started afer somone lost there baby to SIDS at 2months old. To close to home and made me realize nothing is for certain. Just need a lot of reassurance and the websites have no real answers. She sleeps on her back in her bassinet in a sleep sack no blankets. Ugh! Just needed to vent and get this anxiety out, hoping to get some sleep tonight...

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5 Comments on Im good at worrying


jterrill08 - Thursday, 30 Jul
Hey hon, I know how you feel. I think all new mothers are scared. However, I agree that you just have to have faith that your pumpkin will be okay. We put Laya in her nursery at 3 weeks old. We of course use the monitors but every night before I go to bed, I have to check on her. When she was younger, I was constantly up feeding her so I didn't have to check on her because she was waking all the time. But now, since she is sleeping 8 to 10 hours every night, I have to make sure she is okay before I go to bed. Do what makes you feel comfortable. But also have faith. You will be okay and so will your little one:)

sunnymom - Thursday, 30 Jul
I just read your birth story and got teary eyed...i haven't read one in a while. I was so sad for you that hubby couldn't be there...and I empathised with your fear...so great that you had a good team of doctors that jumped on things and got her delivered safely. :-)

sunnymom - Thursday, 30 Jul
aw hon...I was very anxious the first few weeks and then after taking every precaution possible I decided that I need to have faith. hubby believes that babies that get sids are predisposed to it in some way. I am not sure what I believe, i feel blessed every day that my LO is strong and healthy and don't take it for granted for a second. I still wake up a few times a night and always check to see that he is breathing..he is still sleeping in his bassinet next to my bed...I am not ready to move him to his nursery yet...he still seems so vulnerable :-) I always recheck after hubby puts him down for the night to make sure the blanket is only up to his armpits and not loose at all. i think we will always worry about them...but mommy you also have to get some sleep so that you have energy and patience with LO :-) i am sure at some point youir confidence will build enough that you start sleeping.

avaann - Thursday, 30 Jul
Look...I have the monitor AND i check her anyways because you cant see the chest rising ...lol. It was a waste of money. I bring her in bed with me and kick Louis to the couch and I sleep with her. No covers no nothing. LOL I'm a freak, too. Don't worry!

Aiona - Thursday, 30 Jul
I'm awesome at worrying too. Hugs! I hope you are able to sleep some tonight!