07-10-2008 - Intuition vs. Psychosis pt. II

My mood while writing this blog: hungry

Intuition wins it!!!

Last night at 11:40 I got this strong urge to test.... (same urge I got early last week and Saturday and Sunday. The BFN, the test that I didn't pee on ling enough for it to read and the very very very faint positive on a dollar store test). Well, I took the top off my ped egg (which sucks btw) rinsed it out and peed in it because I could never drink from a cup I know once held urine no matter how much bleach I use to clean said cup.

11:43 pm- while thinking, " Here is the bad thing about buying these d@mn tests in bulk", I dip the clearblue easy test wick in the tilted top, not so concerned with pee spilling, but glad it did not, counted to 20 by 10s ( I was slightly dumb for a brief moment...10....20...wait, that was too fast), so I started over and probably kept in in for 30 secs. either way, it was good n wet. "Now, just walk out until :46" is what I am chanting. The little hour glass is just a turning.

11:45pm- I take the 4 steps needed to make it to the bathroom thinking...."why did I waste another darn test....I should have waited another 2 measly days...I should have waited." Go look behind the shower curtain, because that where I hid the test from myself for some absurd reason. grab the teat because I just know I dont see the word "pregnant".

I don't have an account of time for what all happened next, I just know when it was over, the clock said one something. I was totally shocked even though I felt the way I did in pt. I, then something overtook my body and mind and all I could do was praise God and cry ( crying now....wimp). I don't think words exist for how I feel.

My husband started night shift yesterday, so of course I didn't have anyone to share the news with. So, I left the test on the BR counter....The silly rabbit usually comes home and goes straight to the bathroom, but NOOOOOOOOOOO, not today. He wants to rest his feet. So I had to force him to go see what I had for him in the BR.

So for my friends who are still trying, acccording to tili moni, I ovulated 4-5 days sooner than I expected (CD8 instead of CD14).

I made an appointment for 1 week from today, I always end up getting rescheduled, lets hope he has taken all the time off he needs. I feel achy, like I have trapped gas or something. I guess the mind now knows the body is pregnant, so now the body has to try to keep up with the mind...in short...as soon as we find out we are expecting, we just begin to feel every little twitch.

I thought twice about writing this so soon because I have some friends here who are either trying or grieving and I don't want to parade.

I am still praying for US ( I can't really jump for joy so soon because I have a history too).