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05-5-2008 - My first trimester

My mood while writing this blog: Happy

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First trimester!

Well seeing as i didn't even now i was pregnant in the first month, i didn't even notice any early signs that i expected to feel, being dedicated to falling pregnant for over a year and a half, i used the internet as a valuble source of information and expected that the first month you fall pregnant you get symptoms straight away! I was wrong, everyone is different and I had an expectation of something that doesn't always happen to everyone including myself! Me and kenneth had a few little issues, he hit shock mode, i don't think he expected it to happen either, for all the time that we spent trying, i think he is afraid we will lose it again, so he has kinda backed away but still wants to be there. Me being emotional and stressed as well hasn't helped our relationship. Unfortunately he moved out from my place and moved in at his mothers. Its hard trying to deal with this alone.. I wanted to be excited but i also spent alot of nights alone, crying. It was the hardest thing.

The second month - maybe a week after i found out i was pregnant, i started to feel really tired, more exhausted, i was working alot of hours and i felt like i could sleep straight for a week! I tried to rest as much as i could, and i found that laying down to relax was really nice. I also got what i thought was small cramps like i was getting my period, i got worried wanting to race to the toilet thinking i had my period, i was wrong!! I also got very nauseas, and i couldn't enjoy the foods i usually could eat, i felt sick during the day and eventually istarted to get morning sickness, i couldn't eat my breakfast in the morning!! At for what i thought was 9 weeks, i had my first ultrasound, which showed the baby had a strong, healthy heartbeat and the doctor informed me that i will most likely have a strong baby - i won't lose it. Which made me feel a little better, because i unffortunatley miscarried last time.. I was actually 8 weeks and 4 days. But i based my dates on my LMP. Me and Kenneth are trying to work things out, but we aren't getting very far.. I'm starting to face the reality that i am going to be a single mother.

I went on a mission researching everything i could i haven't had an intensly vigerous bladder, thankfully i haven't had the full-on urge to urinate all the time. I got worried but i think its okay. I had some pretty bad pimples on my face and my skin was all over the place. I filled out all my bras ( i was a 12b) and i am a 14c already. They were swollen and tender and having a shower placed a bit of pain on them, eventually they looked like they were growing a roadmap and still do, my nausea hadn't eased and i was getting a really bad nights sleep. Insomnia kicked in pretty quick, i think alot had to do with the worry that i could possibly lose this baby, also everything that was going on with Kenneth and i, and how i could be doing this alone.

3rd Month - I'm showing a bit, all my clothes stopped fitting me! I went out and bought a few things, little baby clothes that were on sale - it will be born in winter and it's nearing summer so all the winter stuff is on sale! yes! So on that great note, i bought some maternity clothes, although nowadays most of the clothing that is not maternity can be worn while pregnant which is really cool! I look very bloated! I still have morning sickness, i don't think the baby likes cereal too much!! I still feel tired and i am pretty hungry and getting cravings for things, one minute chocolate, next minute junk takeaway and then homemade salads and healthy stuff!! weird! Kenneth and i managed to come up with some baby names! He is trying to taking it a little better, from the shock he feels knowing he will be a dad too. We're both young and he still feels young. But we're talking things though and getting stronger as a couple, but inside i have to look out for me, and my little one.

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