11-9-2008 - bummed today

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Someone I work with had a baby today. I am very happy for them, but it's got me feeling all kinds of bummed. I would be 26 weeks.

I have noticed that when all of this happened, we sort of just let the house go. And since then have never gotten that back. We are working and paying the bills and taking good care of the doggies, but everything else not critical has fallen by the wayside. I had previously been in the middle of a kitchen project to reorganize everything. And yet my lid rack is still sitting out on the counter right now with lids stacked in it, homeless and in the way, gathering dust, and I have stacks of stuff on my dining room table. I think the dog hair monsters in the little-used rooms of our house are probably having their own babies by now. Seems to be easier to just go out to the bar, watch the TV, or surf the internet than to do anything that needs to be done.

I'm also not really feeling as excited as I should about our upcoming trip, I'm worried about leaving our dogs. We have a 14 year old that's not aging very gracefully.

And with everything in such a state of disarray, I'm doubting our ability to ever get things back in order if I get PG again right away. But I can't wait much longer because my window of opportunity is closing quickly as I approach 40.

I've been clinically depressed before (15 years ago), and I recognize the signs, so I've got to get myself out of this black hole. Now that I've realized it, just need to get raw willpower and accomplish something to start turning things around. You don't need to respond, I just needed to vent a bit to gather my thoughts, thanks for listening. You all understand like so many others do not. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.