bexstarr01's I-am-pregnantblog

bexstarr01
	Age: 25 Country: UK Province/region: Syorks City: sheffield Partner: Hubby - Jordan xx Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Accountancy Assistant
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 630 days ago. Member since: 1217 days
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23-11-2009 - feeling low

My mood while writing this blog:
very low

as some of you might know between Jan-june/July this year i suffered from depression but with a great hubby and supportive family network and medication i got through it. However these past couple of weeks i can feel those old feelings creeping back up to haunt me. The tears....hours of tears....feeling so worthless. i feel so detached from the baby and myself. i cant eat. i am so scared i am going to push my husband away despite him being so supportive. i havent been th ebest wife over the years and i feel he is gona realise that one day and leave, despite us being great now and me being a different person.

i feel so sick/anxious/ ill. i feel so....how i did before. only this time its amplified by waiting for someone to tell me my babay has died. but its not only that. i can put my finger on it.

i went to see my doctor this morn. i got lumbered with a student that kept flicking through a book about antidepressants and pregnaancy then got left for 20 mins while she went to speak to another doctor. i everntually was approached by a new doctor who wants to see me tomorrow night and feels tablets are not the way to go because its not healthy for the little one.........oh yeah....the little one..........how can i have been so set on tablets and not even give my babys health a second thought.....this is where i am......up my own arse

i am in floods of tears right now and it kinda feels a good release to be able to do this. when the hosp said i was more likely to have a reoccurance of my depression i laughed and thought how stupid....i am on such a high, what have i possibly got tpo be down about. we have waited for this moment for so long........so why am i here again?

has anyone else suffered with this? how on earth did you pull yourself through it?

my worst fear.detaching myself from the baby. i noticed i dont really talk to it anymore. am i scared its because its not going to last?

the mind is such a powerful thing. and i dont for one minute feel sorry for myself. if anything. i hate e at the moment. ungrateful and unworthy. i just want to feel normal :( x

7 Comments on feeling low

mommalynch - Monday, 23 Nov
I am on effexor and wellbutrin for depression/anxiety. I read numerous journal articles that state over and over that it is WAY worse for the baby for mom to not be on meds and have the emotional stress than it is for them to be on medications. Zoloft is a great drug, and is very safe for pregnancy. If your doctors are saying differently, that drugs proven to be safe are too risky, then I would find new doctors who are a bit more into this century. Talk to your mental health professional, not your obgyn about this. And remember how lucky you are!! You are going to have a beautiful little baby!

dtphillips - Monday, 23 Nov
It's so sad to hear that you are feeling so low. I have suffered from depression many times in my life were I felt I was better of dead. You will come out the other side with lots of support. I do have to agree tablets may not be the answer. I feel you would be better of having some councelling to get to the root of the problems and your anxiety. Don't hide how your feeling be open and get all the support you need. I hope you feel better soon. Always here if you need to talk.

shnsn - Monday, 23 Nov
hi.im so sorry to hear u r feeling like this, its partly due to worrying too much! m sure your hubby and family understand EVEN though u may think differently. Everyone deals wth situations differently and think u have a lot of anxiety and fear which is leadng u to feel like this.Try keeping a diary - write down your fellings - ts so good that u can get everything out of your mind and onto paper as sometimes we feel if we tell someone they will judge us or u may not want to hurt the other person whereas a diary wont reply back and has no feelings!I remember feeling like this but i told myself to look at the bigger picture and there really is more to life - if worst case situation m/c i told myself i could try again and im so lucky to have a hubby who is understandng and not ready to give up - im so lucky to have a partner. Its hard to look on the better side but sometimes u have to. As for worrrying about detachment from baby - im sure when u start to feel kicks and movements u will feel sooooo different as the baby will remind u daily that its there!! I bought a doppler to listen to HB so i know its still alive! its the little things that help and i know i have to have patience. I feel so lucky to be pregnant as i know people who wud give up everything to get to my stage!Dont be hard on yourself and try not to think about it too much - try yoga for relaxation - buy a doppler mine cost £22 from Ebay! that way if u feel bad listen to the HB and i promise u will feel better! I think u have so many different feelings and its confusing to know HOW u feel and the hormones dont help! BUT u will get past it! Try counselling if ur worried u might get post natal depression too - Ur GP should be able to offer u more help. Im confdent ur next blog will be an upbeat one - take care.

NinaBo-Bina - Monday, 23 Nov
OK, so when I found out I was pregnant, I was on Xanax for anxiety. I had to come immediately off of them per the dr. request. I though, how the hell do you just stop taking these medications you have taken for 1 or more years but she said these type of drugs were a class X and can really harm the baby. It was scary and I had to manage but the thought that I could have caused the baby birth problems due to my selfish needs, I stopped. Cold turkey. I went through a rough patch of anxiety and fear about 15 to 19 weeks into pregnancy but I got through it. There has to be other ways we can channel our fears and depression and anxieties at least until baby is born and done breastfeeding. I find this site is really helpful. Good luck to you! I hope things get better!

pretty rose - Monday, 23 Nov
Hello hun, just popeed in to say hi and see how your doing, and I thought I'd leave you a note. Ok I think I can understand, I myself suffered from depression for a few yrs, was a mess, but came thru it. I am thinking with everything thats happened to you, you got so high cos you were really happy and have now crashed cos ur scared it is all going to be taken away from you. Can completely understand this and have had those moments myself. Try and vocalise how your feeling more, start with "i feel .........." and be honest about your thoughts with your nearest and dearest. It's a long process, you know this having had depression before, but the good news is you recognised the signs and are trying to take positive action, to my mind it show you don't wanna be stuck where you are and are thinking about how to make yourself feel better. Oh and hun, stop being so hard on youself, sometimes our brains can only take so much, you are human it is normal to struggle at times, give yourslef a big hug and try to love yourself for who you are, relax and it will get better.If you need to cht plz feel free to msg me, I will get straight bk to you.xxxxxxxxxxxx

readyfor3 - Monday, 23 Nov
hi there, I am sorry you are feeling depressed. It is an awful way to feel. It's probably really hard to talk about to friends and family during pregnancy b/c every expects you to be happy. My pregnancy this time I have had ups and downs b/c of my previous miscarriage. I experienced severe depression after I stopped nursing my son (post-weaning depression, no one tells you about this). I took Prozac at the time and it really helped. There are safe medications you can take during pregnancy, but maybe try "talk-therapy" first? You will see, you need to look after your self as well as baby! Healthy Mommy, healthy baby! x

mrsjmickens1 - Monday, 23 Nov
honey there are plenty of meds you can take during pregnancy. just find the right combo....prozac,wellbutrin are 2 there are many more

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