16-1-2009 - 12 hours from now

My mood while writing this blog: EVERTHING!!!

I thougth I'd better capture how I'm feeling right now. I'll NEVER feel it again.

12 hours from now I will be getting hooked up to a fetal/contraction monitor. I'll have an IV put in my hand. Probably and epidural catheter in my back so that if I want the epi, it's ready. They'll give me a cytotec pill and we'll sit around and wait for things to happen.

To begin with, it will be just Rob and I. He'll be bored and tired. I'll be anxious & restless. My MIL will be at home with the kids, waiting for the call to come to the hospital.

It's funny, I had Austin only 3 years ago and there is so much that I don't remember and stuff that I do. I wasn't feeling this way, I know that. This is my 3rd child so you think I'd be a pro. But I'm not and I'm nervous and I remember how much labor hurt until the epi kicked. Then it was 2 hours of pushing b/c Austin was face up. That was painful!

I remember, after they broke my water, how the contractions really kicked in and were one on top of the other. I hadn't mentally prepared myself for the pain b/c I thought I would have an epi all along. At the last minute I thought, I'd done it before so I can do it again. But it wasn't what I remembered. Rob was crying and that made my mum cry! Hey, I'm the one in pain here! WTH?

Our family is up and down. My son is in the midst of potty training and my daughter is going through puberty. Now I'll bring an infant into the house! WOW. I don't remember how to take care of an infant... when do the eat, when do they sleep, how often you change them, how much do they eat? AHHH! I'm getting so nervous!

I know my crotch will hurt. The hemmies will be full blown, my breasts will be gigantic and my nipples sore as heck. But I'll be able to touch my toes and breath. I'll be ready to jump back into getting fit but will have to listen to my body before I do. Sleep will be a distant memory.

The one thing I'm sure of is that the minute they put that baby on my chest I will fall instantly in love and my heart will grow bigger. I wont see all the muck that is on her and I will not be bothered by pushing the placenta out or being stitched up or the World looking at my half shaven vaj. All I will know is that I have another child that will bring me joy and misery and every possible emotion in between.

It seems like it took forever to get here and now that I know WHEN it's going to happen it seems too soon! Stupid I know but it's how I feel. I better be ready! I'm happy with my weight gain ~30lbs and I'm lucky so far (KNOCK ON WOOD) to have no stretch marks on my belly. Don't care about the ones on my hips. My boobs will eventually be down to my navel but they will have nourished 3 children. If I get so obsessed by them, I'll save up for a boob job.

UGH!!! It's so close now. I still have this tiny glimour of hope that I'll go into labor naturally tonight so we can run around in a panic like it's meant to be.

I wish everyone on this site the best of luck and hope your dreams come true. Be positive and good things will happen.

My next blog will be about my baby!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!