| birthmothernikkole | |
 | Age: 21 Country: US Province/region: Pennsylvania City: Pottstown Partner: Brandon Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: No Occupation: College Student |
| Online: 3 days ago. Last updated: 39 days ago. Member since: 318 days | |
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This morning I woke up around 6 (because I had completely soaked through my breast pads, my bra--which is heavily padded--and my shirt). I couldn't go right back to bed because I was so awake... so I went on my Myspace page and read people's comments. Then I decided to add captions to the 70 some photos I put up (which were from my camera... when I get them off Brandon's camera and my other friend's online, I'll put up more! Haha!). It was beautiful--no tears or anything. I was able to look through them all many more times, adding thoughts to them and just bing happy.
Then a little while ago I woke up again and noticed my baby band is starting to get those bends in it where it's starting to break. I mentioned to Brandon that I would have to take it off soon and he kept telling me, "No baby, wait until you're ready to! You can wear it as long as you want!!" That's when I started to bawl--immagine, me? Crying? Noooo! (o; I told him how it was breaking and then he felt bad.
Yesterday I almost felt ready to take it off--like when Angel handed me Ryllie's baby band... I really thought about it. Then around dinner time yesterday I was too attached to it. Brandon's mom actually saw it and said "When you gonna cut that thing off?!" Arggggg--that made me MAAAAAD. I told her I don't need to cut it and showed her how it slips right off my tiny wrists!
I'm feeling a little better from this morning... and I know I will need to take it off sometime, but right now it is just my connection to him. I really think anyone else doing an adoption needs to have something like this--I'm not saying my obsession with the baby band, but just something that means a lot to them, their little connection/reminder. AND they shouldn't feel stupid about it... it's honestly helping me deal with everything--I know when I really take it off, for me it will be a big thing. Wish me luck... haha--and let's pray it doesn't break off on its own before I am ready for it!
Comments on *Second Morning without him...* (May 24, 2008)
| 24-5-2008 - *Second Morning without him...* (May 24, 2008) |  My mood while writing this blog:bitter sweet... |
This morning I woke up around 6 (because I had completely soaked through my breast pads, my bra--which is heavily padded--and my shirt). I couldn't go right back to bed because I was so awake... so I went on my Myspace page and read people's comments. Then I decided to add captions to the 70 some photos I put up (which were from my camera... when I get them off Brandon's camera and my other friend's online, I'll put up more! Haha!). It was beautiful--no tears or anything. I was able to look through them all many more times, adding thoughts to them and just bing happy.
Then a little while ago I woke up again and noticed my baby band is starting to get those bends in it where it's starting to break. I mentioned to Brandon that I would have to take it off soon and he kept telling me, "No baby, wait until you're ready to! You can wear it as long as you want!!" That's when I started to bawl--immagine, me? Crying? Noooo! (o; I told him how it was breaking and then he felt bad.
Yesterday I almost felt ready to take it off--like when Angel handed me Ryllie's baby band... I really thought about it. Then around dinner time yesterday I was too attached to it. Brandon's mom actually saw it and said "When you gonna cut that thing off?!" Arggggg--that made me MAAAAAD. I told her I don't need to cut it and showed her how it slips right off my tiny wrists!
I'm feeling a little better from this morning... and I know I will need to take it off sometime, but right now it is just my connection to him. I really think anyone else doing an adoption needs to have something like this--I'm not saying my obsession with the baby band, but just something that means a lot to them, their little connection/reminder. AND they shouldn't feel stupid about it... it's honestly helping me deal with everything--I know when I really take it off, for me it will be a big thing. Wish me luck... haha--and let's pray it doesn't break off on its own before I am ready for it!
Comments on *Second Morning without him...* (May 24, 2008)
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Latest blogs
19-8-2008 - *I just don\'t know* (August 19, 2008)
14-8-2008 - *Pictures I Promised!* (August 13, 2008)
13-8-2008 - *First Visit!* (August 13, 2008)
27-7-2008 - *Pictures I promised!*
26-7-2008 - *A little better lately* (July 26, 2008)
04-7-2008 - *Just so depressed* (July 3, 2008)
30-6-2008 - Haven\'t written in a while.. (June 29,2008)
07-6-2008 - *Relating Ryllie and my brother* (June 6,2008)
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03-6-2008 - *Not a bad day!* (June 2, 2008)
02-6-2008 - *Nervous but happy* (June 1, 2008)
02-6-2008 - *I got my PICTURES/UPDATE* (May 31, 2008)
31-5-2008 - *I haven't cried in a while* (May 30, 2008)
30-5-2008 - *His own life* (May 30, 2008)
29-5-2008 - *All smiles right now* (May 29, 2008)
28-5-2008 - *Praying for the mail I want so badly to come today* (May 28, 2008)
27-5-2008 - *Ryllie is the only thing holding me together* (May 27, 2008)
27-5-2008 - *More pictures and stuff* (May 26, 2008)
26-5-2008 - *11:19am is always on my mind* (May 26, 2008)
26-5-2008 - *A trip back to Etown to hang out with friends and celebrate my belated birthday* (May 25, 2008)
25-5-2008 - *Realization that there'll be no more kicks* (May 25, 2008)
25-5-2008 - *The small things this evening* (May 24, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Second Morning without him...* (May 24, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Couldn't help it, just needed to write* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *After signing the adoption papers* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Early in the morning the first day without him* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Saying goodbye day* (May 22, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Last night together* (May 21, 2008 )
10-5-2008 - My old Entries...
19-8-2008 - *I just don\'t know* (August 19, 2008)
14-8-2008 - *Pictures I Promised!* (August 13, 2008)
13-8-2008 - *First Visit!* (August 13, 2008)
27-7-2008 - *Pictures I promised!*
26-7-2008 - *A little better lately* (July 26, 2008)
04-7-2008 - *Just so depressed* (July 3, 2008)
30-6-2008 - Haven\'t written in a while.. (June 29,2008)
07-6-2008 - *Relating Ryllie and my brother* (June 6,2008)
05-6-2008 - *Not sure why, just sad* (June 4, 2008)
03-6-2008 - *Another blog hits home* (June 3, 2008)
03-6-2008 - *Not a bad day!* (June 2, 2008)
02-6-2008 - *Nervous but happy* (June 1, 2008)
02-6-2008 - *I got my PICTURES/UPDATE* (May 31, 2008)
31-5-2008 - *I haven't cried in a while* (May 30, 2008)
30-5-2008 - *His own life* (May 30, 2008)
29-5-2008 - *All smiles right now* (May 29, 2008)
28-5-2008 - *Praying for the mail I want so badly to come today* (May 28, 2008)
27-5-2008 - *Ryllie is the only thing holding me together* (May 27, 2008)
27-5-2008 - *More pictures and stuff* (May 26, 2008)
26-5-2008 - *11:19am is always on my mind* (May 26, 2008)
26-5-2008 - *A trip back to Etown to hang out with friends and celebrate my belated birthday* (May 25, 2008)
25-5-2008 - *Realization that there'll be no more kicks* (May 25, 2008)
25-5-2008 - *The small things this evening* (May 24, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Second Morning without him...* (May 24, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Couldn't help it, just needed to write* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *After signing the adoption papers* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Early in the morning the first day without him* (May 23, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Saying goodbye day* (May 22, 2008)
24-5-2008 - *Last night together* (May 21, 2008 )
10-5-2008 - My old Entries...
Agenda
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