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18-5-2009 - How do I learn to trust again???

My mood while writing this blog: stupid

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Well ladies as you know I've had a few stressful weeks with work and severe back and hip issues....well yesterday I had yet another bad day and ended up on my heating/cooling pad most of the day and to top it off cried most of the day. My fiance and I have had issues in the past with trusting one another with money. There were some issues with his spending and lying in the past and yesterday I thought for sure that the problems were starting all over again. To make this story short without getting into the major details....I thought that he had spent money for a bill due this week and after learning this started to snoop to discover that when he had given me money for bills on Friday that there was another $200 that it looked like he had kept hidden from me. I of course started to panic and due to him being away for the weekend couldn't get an explanation for this until he came home. So for the next few hours I ran worse case scenario's in my head and worried like crazy thinking I was going to have to ask him to leave. We have had a rocky relationship by times but he has been trying extremely hard to make the past mistakes right . We have been doing wonderful and he's almost debt free. He's been trying to be more thoughtful and has been super good to me and my daughter. We are expecting our first baby together in the fall and in the middle of home renovations so to think that there's a money problem now totally made me go into panic mode. I myself have a little girl from a previous relationship which did not work out so I've always been a little hesitant to fully comment to a relationship .... example. not talking about how I feel,keeping feelings to myself, and always waiting for my relationships with men to fail. I feel like I always have to be ready to go on my own at anytime which I know is crazy. But it is hard to stop feeling the feelings and insecurities we have always had.
So when my fiance returned home he wanted to go to bed and relax and I of course wanted to talk and argue it out and find out what was going on. I ended up saying some not so great things and we ended up shouting at one another. I went to the bath to try and calm down and when I got out he proved me wrong. I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. I of course apologized but no matter what you try to say to apologize it's never enough. How do you get over past issues and move forward????????

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1 Comments on How do I learn to trust again???


sugarcubesandcottoncandy - Monday, 1 Jun
hey girl. Trusting all over again is never easy. But belive me, when you meet the right man, you will learn to trust. i am not saying the trust will appear out of nowhere. but you will both make the effort and your heart will sing in time. i know what you mean. been through rocky relationships myself and coupled with the traumatic childhood i had, i was a sure shot recipe for disaster and i almost did screw up to the point of no return. will probably tell you in greater detail over time.
but the right person came along and he would not give up on me. i did keep my struggle up. i put in all my effort. but without him, i just couldnt have made it. god knows and i know how much effort he put into making sure WE worked out. When the right person comes along, he will leave no stone unturned to earn your trust and keep it. because he will belive you are worth it. trust me on this one :)
much love and prayers coming your way.