05-11-2009 - Number 2 is in the oven?

My mood while writing this blog: unsure

So AF is over a week late. My periods arent that "normal" since Raelyn was born, but they're ALWAYS less than 28 days. I either get 2 in one month if it is closer to 28 days, or I'll get it every 3 weeks.

I feel SO sick. Raelyn was eating beef jerky today and the smell of it made me want to vomit, I had to snatch it away and then vacuum the floor because I could still smell it on the carpet. And I LOVE beef jerky lol The other day I slept in til 2:40 PM and only got up to get Raelyn food. I felt like such a bad mom but I literally could not keep my eyes open. I was dozing off while I was standing at the counter making her bottles.

I went in for a pregnancy test on October 28th, because I was sure that I was, and the nurse gave me a lecture on how it wouldn't even show up on a blood test for another two weeks. WELL....the way you find out at my hospital is by calling the pregnancy hotline, and they give you a pin number and they list all the positive and negative pins. They forgot to post my number. It should have been posted last week Friday and still isn't. So I called, the Lab said the results have been in since Friday morning, but since no one posted them I had to get them from my doctor because they can't give out information like that. So, I call the main line and ask to be transfered to my doctor, they tell me paitents aren't allowed to speak with doctors on the phone. So I don't know 100%, but I feel it, and I feel like CRAP.

I'm not taking any HPTs because they didn't work with Raelyn, I was taking them til I was 2 weeks late and got negatives the whole time. Raelyn has a nutritionist appointment on the 12th so I was going to go and get another blood test done. Someone told me hospitals won't cound any HCG level below 25, which is stupid. Thats how babies die...when someone decides since you get tested when your only a few weeks pregnant that you aren't worth being considered pregnant. So hopefully then I'll know whats up. The only downside is I'm in my brother's wedding June 12th, which is back home in Wisconsin. I'd be 8 months pregnant so since I wouldn't be able to fly I'd have to drive the 1200 miles. On top of that I was induced at 36 weeks with Raelyn and June is cutting it so close who knows what could happen. All of this is of course pending on a doctor actually confirming Im pregnant lol

My husband and I are staying together. The night I decided to separate from him he ran off, I texted him to see where he took off to and he said he was walking down Reilly Rd (SUPER busy and dangerous road) because he had to get something from the store. So I go to the store to pick him up, because I don't want him to walk on Reilly again. He's sitting there outside crying with a bouqet of roses. After that I was still pretty mad at him, and did A LOT of thinking. We talked things through, and I can see where hes coming from. He acts the way he does because he doesn't know any better. His parents are SERIOUSLY effed up in the head. They raised him with their stupid messed up thought proccess and he can't act different because it's all he knows, but he's really trying. I can't even stand him being held late at work, idk what made me think I could actually leave him for good. He was really upset about this whole pregnancy deal, then he started getting excited for it and now he's upset about it again. I think he wants another he's just worried that it might all be too much.