24-10-2008 - Back To TTC

My mood while writing this blog: Fustrated

Here we go again...

You ladies are not going to believe this. Ok, well maybe you will b/c it has had to have happened to someone else out there. I've never felt so stupid in my life.

So, I made my first appointment very early this time around, only b/c of my MC last year. I wanted to be on the safe side and if there was going to be any disappointment I wanted to get it out of the way. And the doctor’s office completely understood that and scheduled to see me right away- Yesterday, Thur 10/23 to be exact.

I was scheduled to get my AF on or around the 16th. It never came, I took TWO HPT's. The first was a faint positive. I waited a few days and just like you ladies said, the line got stronger after I waited to take another one two days later.

Ok, so anyway, Wednesday night around 6:00 pm I start getting severe cramps and I thought oh no! It's happening again. Sure enough its starts and continues through the night. I'm up all night with pain and into Thur morning. My husband was so upset and was trying to comfort me as much as possible. Now it's flowing ladies... not like no AF I ever get. I know the difference! So I called my doctor (who is also a new doctor) and they said come in right away. They saw me and surprise surprise, I had another MS but considering it was a second time they wanted to do blood work again.

Don't you know the doctor called me last night and told me that he doesn't think I had a MC. He doesn't think I was PG at all!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He said my blood test came back BFN. I was hysterical. I don't know if I was angry or mortified. I didn't even know what to ask even though I have tons of questions. Like why was I 6 or 7 days late if all of that was just my AF? Why did I have MS? Why in the world did I get two positive HPT's? Why was I in so much pain? And, more importantly... what the hell is wrong with me? I know my husband and I want to have a baby but my goodness...I'm not so obsessed that I would make myself believe that I was PG when I wasn't. I was the first one shocked to see a BFP b/c I knew we did the BD on all the wrong days (like I said in my last blog).

I feel so discouraged and I'm so tired. This doctor must be saying "there goes another wacko woman dying for a baby".

Sorry, I know it was a long one...