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10-9-2010 - A New Beginning

My mood while writing this blog: Taking one day at a time

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As you all know, we were blessed to find out that we are expecting a new little one once again...I want to be happy and excited...but I am scared to death....I have decided to love this baby like I have never lost...this baby deserves our love, deserves us to be excited...its not easy - but I am taking one day at a time - and praying a whole lot...

I decided to change OB doctors this time around. I just found the other doctor to not be pro-active enough in my treatment. I decided to be my own advocate this time - to take control. I didn't push at all after my 1st loss and I regret that.

I had my first appointment yesterday with my new doctor - Dr B. It was a very long wait to see her - a 5 1/2 hour wait...but she took her time with me and listened to everything I had to say. I spent more than 45 mins with her in her office (and now we all know why she gets so behind in her day!!).

What is really baffling her is the fact that the Kleinhauer-Betke (a blood test that determines if there is any fetal blood in the mothers blood) came back so positive with both losses. It means that there was a massive fetal-maternal hemmorhage that caused the both babies to die. She said, we can see this if someone was in a big car accident - but just like this - with no apparant trauma and twice - she has never seen this before - it seems like no one has ever seen this before...

So because she doesn't know why this is happening - she is going to put all the chances on my side - and not take any risks. She will be seeing me every 2 weeks. She has put me on all the extra vits (which I was taking already), she has put me off work for the entire pregnancy and I am basically on modified bedrest - so I can walk around the house and sit up - but thats about it. This is not going to be easy...I am already looking at my vacum and my pile of clothes i have to wash....she said, no loading and unloading the washer and dryer, no loading and unloading the dishwasher, no lifting at all, no vacuming, no house cleaning, no bending over at all.....yikes!!

She said she does not know if this will help - but that possibly the barrier between me and the baby is weak - so any little knock or pulling or lifting might have caused a tiny tear leading to a slow leak. She said the problem has to be something with the barrier between me and the baby that is allowing babys blood to leak into mine...they just don't know why...

So thats it for now. I have been listening to the heartbeat every morning with my doppler - so that is helping me get through my days - but the future is still just a big question mark. One day at a time I guess....

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23 Comments on A New Beginning


beegee - Sunday, 7 Nov
Thanks for answering my question in the PGAL forum. So after reading this blog, are you still on bed rest? How are you and your little one doing?

Pocahontas - Thursday, 16 Sep
I had no idea that you were expecting again. First let me say how incredibly happy I am for you. Plus, you are already at 11 weeks! YAY! I am glad you have a Dr that will be taking care of you and walking this journey with you, every day at a time. It does help to have proper care. I wish you only the best in this pregnancy, free of any complications and I cannot wait to see your little one in 6 months time. Sending you loads of thoughts and hugs and lots of love *hug* - L

missing*my*2angels - Thursday, 16 Sep
I am happy for you and your family!! it seems like this Dr is going to be on top of your pregnancy good luck.

soon2be momma d - Monday, 13 Sep
I am in love with your new Dr. I am so happy she is taking so many precautions with you. Besides that I am so happy you pushed for an advocate - you deserve one. I know bedrest will be very frustrating and boring, but you have us and we will do all we can to keep you entertained. I will keep praying and crossing fingers and toes. Many blessings to you and yours Bonnie.

2krazekdz - Monday, 13 Sep
It sounds like your doctor is taking every precaution and that is very reassuring. Just take it s easy as you can and I'll be praying for you and your sweet pea.

camila.a - Sunday, 12 Sep
I didn´t know you were expecting again! Congratulations! I am very happy for you, and to read that you are being well taken care of. I wish you the best of lucks in this pregnancy. And remember...one day at the time. Be good to yourself!

mgmommy - Saturday, 11 Sep
I am sorry it has taken so long for me to reply to this blog. I have been searching the net and medical journals to see what other doctors had to say that came across similar situations - it seems as though it's very rare and you and your dr are right, there really aren't any answers at this point. I am praying very hard for you and hoping this miracle of yours will be just that and we will see a beautiful healthy baby at the end. I'm glad you found a new dr, and even though it took long to see her, it seems as though she is taking all the steps she can to ensure a healthy prengnacy and baby. Sending many thoughts and prayers your way xoxo Allison

readyfor3 - Saturday, 11 Sep
good hun, I am glad you like your new doc, you are in my prayers x

min41 - Friday, 10 Sep
Semi bed rest sounds boring but at least now you know that you are doing everything you possibly can. I am not sure how you feel (can't remember) about alternative medicine like acupuncturist and naturopaths, but it may be worth looking into some of that as a way to build up deficiencies in your body and balance things for the two of you. You are a strong brave women and I am so glad that you can keep loving. Hugs ***

gcmum - Friday, 10 Sep
Glad you are seeing a good doctor now.. Things will definitely go right this time around for you and I'm sure this little one will be born as a healthy bouncing baby :)

krzyk1174 - Friday, 10 Sep
Oh congradulations!! I am so very happy for you!

fruitful - Friday, 10 Sep
I am happy to hear that this new doctor is taking every precaution she can to try and ensure you deliver a happy healthy bouncing baby. All the best Bonnie.

SarahBeth13 - Friday, 10 Sep
I am so very happy she is being so careful. I know it is hard to not do everything you want to do and feel like you should do around the house...but it will only be for another 6 months and just think of how worth it it will be. I am so excited and hopeful and happy for you!!

okynot - Friday, 10 Sep
I am praying for you, I hope time goes by fast for you durring the difficult parts and slow for all the wonderfull moments! I am sure that this baby feels the love! : ) One answered prayer with the new doctor!

roosa - Friday, 10 Sep
I am so sorry you are going through this, but glad to know you seem to have a very caring doctor. I know bed rest is super hard. You feel useless.. but you are not. Remember you have the most important job in the world, growing a baby. Much more important than vacuuming and doing dishes!!! This too shall pass so yes, take it one day at a time. Much love, Karin

kari.mck - Friday, 10 Sep
BUTTER - you know we are all thinking and hoping and praying with you. So glad you have someone who is trying to be proactive ( as much as she can). And takes the time to listen to you. Big hugs & jugs.

leanbean 3 - Friday, 10 Sep
It sounds like you've found a Dr. who's doing everything she can for you. That's great and hard to find. I'm sorry that you are on bedrest and I hope that you can find the help that you need.

jamie86 - Friday, 10 Sep
I'm so glad that this dr is doing everything she can to get this baby here safe in your arms. Bedrest of any kind is not easy but you can do this. We are all praying for you and have everything crossed for you.

marjgator - Friday, 10 Sep
This doc sounds like she is very knowledgeable, and what she doesn't know, she will work hard to find out for you! I am so glad you are in the right hands and your baby will have the best possible chance. Bedrest sucks, but it is worth it for a baby to take home. I am praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts!!!

em2 stewarts wife - Friday, 10 Sep
Butter I am keeping all things crossed for you. Bedrest, modified or not is hard but you can do it! Its too bad that there isnt a 100% for sure answer but I believe that these extra vitamins and this rest will be just what you need! I know it is scarey but you will get through! I am so glad you were your own advocate! It is great to have a devoted dr who will really help you and be proactive! Sounds like your DH is gonna be one busy bee for the next several months!!

ady,may,and1ontheway - Friday, 10 Sep
I'm so glad that she is trying to find a reason for everything, even though nothing can be 100% proven. I hope that all of this helps and you have the healthy little baby you deserve! I'm sure DH wouldn't mind doing the housework for a while :)

Amalthea - Friday, 10 Sep
I am glad this doc is taking the time to listen to you and trying her best to prevent any issues that might arise.. rest up my dear..keep that lil baby bean safe and comfy!! :)

redheadmama - Friday, 10 Sep
Praying for you, dear friend. And that sweet little baby! xx