19-10-2011 - my struggle with PND

My mood while writing this blog: i dont have a mood =P i have them all.

Well when i went to the doctor the other day she said i have postnatal depression which i wasn't really surprised by. For a while i haven't felt the same as i used to, so what the doc said made sense.

ive noticed that:

1. I get cranky over the silliest of things (ie. bread going bad, its bread but i cant help it.)

2. Im loosing my appetite, where once i would have 4 small to medium meals a day now i dont even want to eat one meal a day.

3. Im anxious all the time like i feel like something terrible is going to happen., i anxious when i have to drive somehere cause i think were going to get in an accident (due to others). that in turn leads to the next number down..

4. I cry alot because im worried about bad things happening, i cry because my kids cry (little man is having nightmares and bub has colic), i cry because i worry my husband doesnt find me attractive anymore(though who would when you havent stopped bleeding yet) Then there is the times i cry because someone just asked how are you or say you look great(how can they say that, i dont feel great) or because my perfectly busty bestfriend says she hates her breasts so she got breast implants(we live 2500kms apart).

5. I dislike my body (its like someone stole mine and left me this peice of s**t) I absoulutely hate my breasts they dont even feel like they have any tissue left in them in my eyes there disturbing to look at. I cant even look in the mirror at my body it makes me cry uncontrolably. i feel like everyone agree's my body is disgusting and that i should just wear a snow suit(if it wasn't pretty much the tropics i would)

6. I feel as though im not good enough at anything i do and that i never will be.

7. I feel that the things that used to come naturally i struggle with now (like cooking i used to be so good at now i struggle making simple things with out missing something)

8. I feel like im a fail parent, i may have a smart well mannered 3yo and a georjuus baby girl but when they cry i feel like im failing .

These are just some of the things i see and if i see it what does everyone else see and think....

I will keep updating this blog on how everything goes.

i hope everyone else is feeling better than me =)