19-4-2010 - FUNNY STUFF

My mood while writing this blog: Looking forward to it

I stole this from Dee212. (I hope she doesn't mind) I thought it was too funny not to share with the rest of the girls!

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. ______________________________________... Preparing for the Birth: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month ______________________________________... The Baby clothes: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? ______________________________________... Worries: 1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing ______________________________________... Dummies: 1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and sterilise it. 2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. ______________________________________... Nappy changing: 1st baby: You change your baby's nappies every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. ______________________________________... Activities: 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. ______________________________________... Going Out: 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. ______________________________________... At Home: 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. ______________________________________... Swallowing Coins: 1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays. 2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance! ______________________________________... Pass this on to everyone you know who has children . . . or everyone who KNOWS someone who has had children . . (The older the mother, the funnier this is!) GRANDCHILDREN: God's reward for allowing your children to live!