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04-8-2009 - Feeling Surda Used

My mood while writing this blog: miserable

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Well as you girls know I have been going through pure hell the last couple of weeks that I have been home and a couple of you girls have been sending me real good encouragement and I think you for that from the bottom of my heart. And with gods help he will be home sunday he goes to court tomorrow and they are going to tell him what is going to happen but his mother and I have talked to everybody and we even got his old probation officer changed cause you would think that having a african american probation officer would be better for him but it is not he was alot harder on him because he say he wanted more for a black male because they are a more vunerable coming from the lower class shit we aint rich but we leave in the suburbs and a relatively big house but o.k but I am praying that everything goes good and sunday I will be him up when he walk out them doors not ever looking back or returning. but any ways my situation did not go as planned part of the money did not come they stop paying it because of the warrant and I was going to use it to take the warrant off so I couldnt pay the bond and then worry bout paying the fees or having it taken out of the bond money at court so what Im having to do is pay off my bills and my probation fees that I owe which that was the problem I didnt know whether to pay off my bills for the month so I know my family would have a roof over there heads and pay off the probation fees and get a lawyer to see if they could drop the warrant or get a lowered or asurity or just use all the money I had for the month and pay off the 3500 and wait till after the case was done and catch on my bills well I had choose option 2 but I guess faith said no and decided on option 1 so that what I am doing and I am scared to death lord knows but like I told you guess I have been staying with my mom cause I dont want to go home with out ramar being there with me and I dont no why I m here because this is the address the police have for me not my address my mothers so everytime the door bell rings my heart drops but anyways my mom ran into some problems and has to move out of her house she works and she has my two adult brother and sister living with her so you would think it wouldnt be a problem to move but it has turned in to chaos they wont get jobs they wont help basically she is taking care of them plus my lil brother which he is not old enough to contribute so first the light where going off so I wrote a check knowing I didnt have any money in the bank to cover it then she is short on her rent to move by 55 dollars now you telling me my brother and sister couldnt come up with 55 together and they run back and forth to the store everyday and she has a different hair do every week but again I had to give her that now her phone bill needs paying which I refuse to pay and the check came back unpaid for the lights that I wrote a week and a half ago and she has to get up 800 more dollars for deposit for the new house and then they suspended her license for a accident back in 07 and she didnt have insurance and she keeps asking did you receive your money knowing what type of problems I am having and I am not working ramar is not here and then I am driving her back and forth to work every day feeding every body in the house I feel like she is using me and she knows that if I get get pulled even though my license are good i have that other problem and she dont seem to care and sit and cry and pray for sunday to come so I can go home and now even if i wanted to go home before sunday i couldnt because i would have to wake all seven kids up at 6am put them in the car and drive 15 mins to her house to pick her up for work take her to a whole other city which is another 35 mins and then come back home and i am already up with ginasys through the night so i stay so my kids dont have to wake up and my brother watches them while i take her to work and come back and i take the baby with me. So ladies i need your help causes i really feel used and i dont know what to do its's my mom u know pray for me ladies please

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1 Comments on Feeling Surda Used


drod - Tuesday, 4 Aug
I'm truly sorry that you are having a hard time right now but as I said before, Joy comes in the morning. Your mother is an enabler. She is allowing your adult sibs. to be irresponsible. If you were not there I would have suggested that you do not help your mom with the bills. When there is no light and cable tv they would have to do something about it. They are just too comfy and your mom should stop wiping their noses and cleaning their buts. Let them find the 55 dollars and other money they need. You have enough money issues of your own. You are not the only grown person in that family and if you keep bailing them out they will never get jobs. Plus, how can you give what you do not have? Remember that nobody can used you unless you give them permission. Plus, why do you do stuff that makes you feel bad afterwords? Try saying no if your don't feel good about the request. With the $3500, I think you should have taken care of the legal issue first. If you call the utility company and tell them you had a problem, they would wait. One month of none payment cannot land you on the streets. Or you could have also paid the mortgage and use the rest towards the court issue. You just have to do "first thing first"