02-11-2009 - SHOULD I LEAVE

My mood while writing this blog: UNAPPRECIATED

This morning started out fine same on thing i wake up get the kids ready and get them on the bus while holding my 3mth old and my hand that keep me up half of the night. well my bf lays happily sleeping with no care in the fucken world (E.M.L) , but this morning had a turn for the worse. My bf had his nerves to wake up this morning arguing with me bout the house not being clean i mean we have 7 kids the house is never gonna stay completely clean and fuck that this ass hole is a damn construction worker business is slow he hardly works now dont get me wrong when they do have work its good money but its not a every week thing so i am the bread winner I pay the bills I am stressing every month on which bill to pay first and which one to let linger n go into past due status i cant believe him he screaming at me about all i do is sit on the computer but he is on the damn game all the time if not his playing basketball at the court or @ his homeboys house smoking damn weed and that another thing when i meet him he smoked but then he quit completley and recently he his started back and its driving me crazy he dont do it around me or the kids but I know he is when he goes to his friends house and its driving me insane. I can understand he upset bout the cut in hours and he feel like less of a man was his words but dont try to make me feel bad when i am doing everything bills, kids, toys, food, everything well trying to futher my education and then he throws my trustfund check that i recieve monthly in my face

" Oh if I had to sit on my ass and wait every mnth for a check I would pay all the bills too"

are you damn insane that broke the bridge I just redid my whole living room on my own i am in the process of redoing the kids room and I have my 3mth old on my hip 24/7 untill I go to school or my little workstudy that i do to bring in more income then I come back home and start all over again and he doesnt appreciate shit i feel like just packing my shit and leaving his ass shit plies got a song call shawty dont need a man and I love to death so I play it all the time because it reminds me of myself, I dont know if it offends him or what ever but after we stop arguing he went in turned on this song by frank linen talkn bout bull shit i guess he was trying to direct to me but I dnt care at all I just dont know what to do now i feel like fuckn cryn christmas coming round the corner plus the bills shit if i gonna do bad i might as well do it alone. please send good advice something you would tell your sister or you yourself whould do in this type situation